The Coordinates of Heaven
by JanaTearce
Summary: Being dead isn't so bad, if that means spending time with Gido and getting to explore the strange place called heaven. Only that things never stay as they are. Because if Teito gets his revenge Ayanami dies and when that happens he gets to be stuck with the rest of them. That just seems to be the tip of the iceberg though...
1. Maya

Hello everyone!

I'm glad you found your way here, I hope you like your stay. This work is a pet project of mine and I've been carrying the idea around for a very long time now. Which means there's a lot for you to look forward to; also that this means a lot to me. Now I don't want to spoil anything, but I can definitely say that it's gonna be interesting and there will be quite some plot twists.

I will add characters as the stoy progresses.

Have fun reading!

* * *

Heaven was something to get used to.

And you had to.

There was hardly another way once you were dead, and Frau still wasn't completely over it. It had been several weeks since he'd been dead (… or months, or something like that, he had lost track of time at a certain point), and Gido kept telling him to be patient and relax.

Wherever the man was taking _that_ from.

Frau still remembered Gido having quite a temper whilst alive. Maybe by now it had _settled_, Frau mused. He had come to despise that word, as Gido was definitely overusing it.

A smirk curled up at the corners of his mouth as he rolled over and fell flat onto his stomach. A soft groan stifled by the mattress escaped his lips. Cold. – _Cold_ sheets. This was not how it was supposed to be. It was outrageous. Kicking at the sheets, Frau struggled to pull them over his head. He would never get used to this place and he would certainly never leave his bed again, whether Gido was in it or not. That was that.

Something softly tugged at the sheet. Frau didn't move, didn't breathe a sound.

_Someone_ tugged at the sheet, harder this time, and Frau dug both his hands deeper into the sheet as Gido gave it one last, heavy tug. He managed to uncover what was a pair of shoulders and two arms that were desperately trying to keep him from pulling the sheet completely away.

"I thought this was supposed to be _heaven_," Frau groaned, face buried in the mattress. He thought about the last time he had done that and a small shiver ran down his spine. _That_ had been a far more enjoyable activity. Frau raised his head, just enough so he could glance over his shoulder, before dropping it onto his bed again. His hands searched for a pillow.

"Well, you haven't left this place for almost a week now. Get up, I fear you might have forgotten how to walk." There was an unmistakable hint of sarcasm and theatrical drama in his voice. As he found it amusing, Frau smiled into his pillow and rolled over to face the man behind him.

There he was. Not a day older than he remembered. Yet, by now the term _old man_ was certainly justified. Given that he was... what? Nearly forty, fifty, all years combined? Something like that. Frau didn't realise he was smirking. Eyes grazing over the tall, lean figure leaning on his bedpost. – And _he_ wouldn't go _anywhere_. Frau smiled at that thought.

In some way no time at all had passed since their lives had parted. Yet too much time had passed and there was a hollow ache in his chest reminding him of that. And of Teito.

To his own demise, Gido had proven to be a distraction he could hardly resist. In a way it was selfish. Frau tried not to think about that too much though. He exhaled a deep breath as he ran a hand over his face – _tired_. He was tired. Tired from lying around and doing nothing. Although nothing sometimes brought pleasant company.

Still.

He didn't want to get out of bed. The mere thought suddenly seemed too ridiculous to even think about. With a quiet groan he sunk back into bed and pulled the sheet over his head. Gido said something and tried to pull it away again, but the sound of his words was muffled by the rustle of the sheet and his own breathing. He closed his eyes, but Gido was merciless and managed to drag him out from under the sheet. Frau growled, clawing at the sheets.

Yet he found enough mercy in his bones to spit out some words, as he wriggled from Gido's grip. "You know, the average human needs two hours of sleep to make up for each one lost, don't you? And you do know how little sleep I got while I was, well –", a sigh escaped his lips. He had managed to sit up and was rubbing the last of sleep from his eyes. "Just double the end sum and you might get close to what I need to barely function _ever_ again."

"And whose fault is that?" the other raised a brow. "You picked your profession..."

_Smart-ass._ Frau glowered.

There were other reasons too for his lack of sleep, but those he didn't mind. Frau trailed a hand over the bite marks on his neck and down to his shoulder as he walked over to his closet, picking a plain black shirt and plain black pants to dress in. There was no use in arguing and he was too tired for it anyway.

He wondered why Gido had come to him. He could feel the man's eyes on his body as he dressed. "Are you going to talk to me, or am I left to guess?" A pause. "_Again?_" There was a hint of actual accusation, along with the playfulness of his voice. "Alright," Frau muttered to himself, and he walked over to lean close to the other man on the bedpost. "What do I owe the pleasure of your company?" Frau asked, trailing a hand down the fur of the man's coat, a couple fingers grazing over his warm skin.

_Warm_. He was warm and solid – _huggable_. And he wanted to do that very much. Just hold on tight and not let go for several years. The thought of doing so was greatly comforting. Instead he leaned in close, wrapping his arms delicately around Gido's neck as he brushed their noses and lips together. "Come tell me," he cooed.

When Gido tried to kiss him, Frau pressed their foreheads together to push him away, giving him a soft head bump instead. "I said tell me, not kiss me," he sighed. Still, a flicker of amusement rushed over his face. Gido seemed to enjoy his company, since it was more than often him who sought it out. It made Frau wonder if he was trying to make up for time lost. Did Gido feel obligated to look after him? The thoughts made Frau a little uneasy, and he quickly dismissed them.

"We're going on watch duty."

The words made Frau swallow slowly. It felt like a punch; something hard, unsettling, rested in his gut. His eyes skimmed Gido's face, looking for a sign... any sign. Whatever it was that he needed to see right now. "I..." The lake. He didn't... He took a deep breath, trying to focus his thoughts. He would see Teito again. After what? Months, and he–

The lump forming in his throat felt big and heavy, impossible to swallow. A small surge of guilt rose up. What the hell had he been thinking... It was almost ridiculous how much he had wanted to forget and how willing he had been to accept any given distraction. A small sound ripped from his throat as he took a shallow breath.

Carefully Frau looked up, noting that Gido was awaiting a response, but also that he was carding his fingers through his hair and by God, that was– It was too much, yet at the same time it was all he wanted. Still, Frau didn't allow himself to lean into the touch, instead slowly folding his arms as he swallowed again. He tried not to turn his head away.

He wasn't okay. The very thought of getting to see Teito still made him choke on sorrow.

Gido had taken him to visit the lake another couple times since their reunion. The man probably would have brought Frau more often if he hadn't been as affected as he always was. And as much as he tried to suck it up – he couldn't. Not yet, he always thought, but was just as sure that he wouldn't be ten years from now either. "I want to go..." he admitted quietly. Even though the voice in his head screamed _NO_.

And because he said it he knew it was true. It would hurt. A lot, but he wanted to. And he had to.

"Are you–?" Frau's gaze shot up in a glare and silenced Gido immediately.

It was the way Gido's hand threaded through his hair. Casually. Comforting. As if no time had passed since _then_. It only made the lump in his throat grow. "I... need to..." he insisted. But the utter amount of understanding in Gido's look just made him want to throw punches badly. Yet he only clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms. "Do we go now?" Carefully Frau eyed him. He wanted to get it over with and done.

Gido nodded and Frau swallowed hard. "You snored your waiting time away, anyway," Gido answered him softly and messed up his hair. It was so _familiar_.

There was a hint of annoyance in Frau's sigh. "I get it. I sleep too much," he scowled at Gido. "But it's not like there is much to do here either way."

At this Gido laughed quietly. "You're right. Except lots of people wanting to get to know you better. I'm sure you'll figure out how to pass the time along the way." He grabbed Frau's hand and tugged him out of his room. "C'mon. Time to feel the sun again."

_Idiot._

Frau didn't object though, and he quickly followed, but he retrieved his hand from Gido's grasp and tucked both into the pockets of his pants. His eyes and feet were following a pair of legs wrapped in dark fabric as they walked past the yard, along the isle which went round the yard, and in between pillars as broad rays of sunlight lit the roofed hallway.

He didn't have the guts to look up and around. Which made him feel stupid enough, but being reminded of Teito had opened a drain and deprived him of the will and energy to interact with the other Ghosts. Talking to them was strange enough anyway. Most of them seemed to have either witnessed his life or had been filled in on it by Gido, which always left him in the unpleasant position of having to realise how little he actually knew about the rest of them. Not that it had ever mattered.

But it mattered _now_.

With a sigh of relief Frau noticed the big gates closing behind them with a _thud_. At the same time he realised why staying indoors had been such a good idea. This place was fucked up, and it took him only one glance to be reminded of that.

By now he had tuned out the various bird calls around him unconsciously, even though it seemed like a happy reminder of the fact that there was nobody except Gido and him around right now. He dared to look up. Well...they weren't quite alone after all. It was the two of them and a gazillion strays.

Fucking great.

"How long do we have to do this?" he asked, while he trudged along next to Gido.

"Eight hours. There are three shifts each day."

"Jeez. You guys really got nothing else to do?" Frau gaped at him in disbelief. Gido only smiled, in a way that could even be viewed as apologetic.

"Usually we're not as meticulous when it comes to keeping watch, but lately events have been heating up."

Suspicion welled up in Frau, as a very unpleasant thought came to his mind. Gido couldn't mean _that_. He couldn't be implying... "Fuck, are you serious? With all he's done?" The lump in his throat was returning, just like the ache in his heart. Alas, Gido didn't need to answer this one for him to realise that probably fucking _everyone_ was considering the possibility. "And why the hell did you not tell me?", he burst out, gritting his teeth in anger.

"Look, we're not even sure–"

"But _what if_ do you really think I– " He swallowed. Frau clenched his fists, trying to keep the shaking at bay. It just wasn't fair. "I'm gonna bloody kill that bastard for all he's done." Even thinking of it, thinking that Ayanami might– "For fuck's sake, I thought this is supposed to be _heaven_." Feeling left alone to drown in his own pain, Frau waited for the hand on his head, for a kindly spoken word, but none of it came. Instead Gido was alarmingly quiet. And when he finally spoke it wasn't calming at all.

His voice was surprisingly bitter. "Not your personal. There is no such luxury."

If he hadn't been so caught up with his own lament of pain and frustration he might have wondered where it had come from. Despite everything, Gido had always seemed... _awfully chipper_ to him. The kind that made you want to punch something at some point. Bitter didn't sound much like him. Or at least what Frau knew of him.

But what did he know anyway. Frau rarely thought about it, but when it came down to it he barely knew anything at all about Gido. His name, his age, his occupation before he had died. Eden had been his home. He had been a Ghost and seemed to know every god damn existing language. – That was about it.

It was an awfully frustrating realisation.

Something in the back of his head urged him to say sorry, but he didn't. It made little sense to him anyway. There was nothing he had to apologise for, for getting furious over the idea of having to share heaven in any kind of way with Ayanami. But had not meant to yell at Gido. So instead he slowly closed the gap between them, bumping into Gido's shoulder in a slightly rough but friendly manner. This time the hand came and caressed his head and Frau slowed his steps for a while to enjoy the touch. "Better?" Gido asked.

"Somewhat," Frau replied and ducked away from his touch. After all he was not some kind of child anymore. "What do we do with the information we gathered?"

"We've got something similar to the Cuvere, only that we are the only who can access it. It serves a similar purpose though, as we try to gather the most important information of history. Our history mainly."

Frau nodded and trotted along, soon realising the lake wasn't much further. He didn't know how he could tell that the lake was close, so he shoved it aside and labelled it as instinct. There was hardly any way you could tell where you were from your surroundings, as it was all gardens, gardens, gardens and more bloody gardens. Yet, he was right.

It was Gido, he noticed after a while. Every time they reached the outskirts of the lake something seemed to change. It was hard to explain since he actually did very little about his posture or expression. But Frau could swear he would be able to grab a fist full of tension filling the air.

A while back he had noticed a few kors and... other things, and frankly Frau was sure he didn't want to know what they were.

While Gido did not seem to be bothered any more than necessary with either, Frau eyed them warily from afar as they approached the lake. He noticed none of them were particularly close. He couldn't even make out the end of the lake, which made him ultimately wonder how fucking big this place was. It was almost stunning. "What do we do?", Frau asked. His eyes fixed to the ground, he found a small stone and sent it flying roughly with a kick, and when he looked up he saw it being swallowed by the water.

"Sit and watch and... frankly, just don't do anything." Gido shrugged.

Frau had been slowing his pace, prolonging the last few steps and he gulped as he stared at the blank surface of the lake.

_Teito..._

The thought came in the blink of an eye, the word heavy with pain and oh God, he _still_ missed him. A numbing wave of pain swept through him, swept him from his feet, and he found himself sitting on the ground in warm grass. The pain tore at the wound which had been closing slowly, but steadily, in the past few months.

It shouldn't be so easy to summon a picture of the ones you loved, Frau thought. However, he was glad for it. Seeing Teito, seeing that he got better – slowly, steadily; it was soothing his own wounds.

As he watched, Teito seemed to being going over a strategy with Hakuren and Ouka. Someone mentioned Miroku's name and it made him wonder what the three of them were up to. Then he remembered Gido's words and something heavy settled in his gut. So they really were planning on overthrowing Ayanami.

"Idiots," Frau heard himself choke and bit his lip. His own voice sounded alien to his ears.

He felt Gido's hand in his hair and was glad for it. Frau found that he was having trouble focusing on his surroundings, especially when there was Teito practically right in front of him. The boy was trying to smile and obviously the light inside of him was getting the better of him. "Told you," Frau muttered and closed his eyes for a moment, the voices still going on about the plans they were making. It was bloody fantastic and Frau hoped with all his might that Teito knew it. That he wasn't fighting it like he would so often...

Because he deserved it.

With time passing, it didn't become easier, but Frau found that it became bearable. Still, he found himself turning away and closing his eyes after a while. The image disappeared and the voices where cut off. Frau sighed with relief.

Much better. Less agonising.

For a while there was nothing but silence. The everlasting bird songs were still there, of course, but all-in-all it was blissful silence. Frau let himself sink into the grass, enjoying the soft breeze. His head fell to the side, his eyes watching Gido. The smell of dirt and grass filled his nose, calming him. It was familiar enough. Something not as weird as everything else up here in heaven. Though he probably wouldn't have been surprised to find out the grass smelled of cotton candy. Thankfully though, it didn't.

It was the soft and happy voice of a young woman which brought his attention back to the lake, after what felt like an eternity of lying in the soft grass. She was talking to Castor and Lab – he could tell by their voices, even before he saw them. Curiously he eyed her. She had long, curled black hair, and pretty, attentive blue eyes. She was clad in a well fitting flight suit and boots, goggles hanging from her neck and a pair of gloves stuffed into the pockets of her jacket, which must have been at least two sizes too big. It was worn, visibly older than the rest of her clothing. It had an awfully familiar touch. Frau squinted, it had been made for someone bigger and taller to wear... like...

He looked at Gido, realising he had seen the jacket indeed before. "What's the girl doing with your flight jacket?" he questioned.

"Her keepsake," Gido muttered. His voice cracked, yet a smile washed over his lips as he spoke. His lips drew a pale, thin line as he pressed them together.

"Why..."

"She's..." Frau watched him swallow and then take a deep breath, pausing before starting again. "She's my daughter."

"What?!" The word slipped from his lips without his consent. Various other things were burning on his tongue, but he could not manage to voice any of them. Daughter. _Daughter_. Gido had... a daughter? When the fuck had that happened. "You... had... a family?" It was less a question, more a realisation. Because yes, now that he thought about it, it screamed blatancy.

It was a stupid, childish thought not to believe Gido didn't have a life. Frau just hadn't really thought about it, as all he had done was try to numb the pain his own had left behind. Frau cursed under his breath and inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly. Again he watched the girl.

He could see the resemblance. The curls were definitely the same– though Gido tried to hide his by cutting his hair and applying gel, but bed hair was rarely so forgiving and Frau had had a great deal of chances to see his hair tousled and askew in the past few months. The colour – both had plain black hair. The eye colour of some sort, but hers were of a darker shade, while Gido's were of an icy blue. Hers were more like his own, Frau noticed. She also had the same pale freckles, although far less in number, scattered across her face. Gido had enough for two on his face alone. "What's her name?" Frau asked, wanting to distract himself from the unpleasant thoughts circling his head.

"Maya."

"Your decision?"

"I got a vote..." The words came out in a broken chuckle.

Frau smiled, joined in for a second and shook his head. "How old is she?"

"Seventeen."

A year older than Teito. Just a _bloody_ year. And here he had been thinking asking questions would distract him. But now the lump in his throat was returning once again, making it hard to swallow. This had been a bad idea. Absent minded he ran a hand through his hair. "Seventeen..." he muttered and cursed under his breath. He was about to ask something else, something related to her mother, when it hit him. "And she's..." There was only one explanation for why she was talking to Castor and Lab. "Fuck. She's the new Zehel?"

Gido's mouth tightened. A hand fisting into the soft grass, ripping it with ease. "Yes," the word sounded calmer than it should to Frau.

"You were talking about_ her_ when you said you'd be damned to know who's next."

Gido smirked unhappy. "Perceptive as always," he mumbled. "Yeah, I was thinking of her and hoping it wouldn't be her, but of course they always go for the youngest. Both of us are proof of that." His eyes went up to meet Frau's and for a moment Frau wondered how old exactly Gido had been when he was given the position of Zehel. He himself had been fourteen the year he had been turned.

He didn't dare to ask.

"Then why didn't you say?" There was a distinct tone of accusation in his voice. Gido had always been an expert at keeping him an arms length of information behind. He always left clues, but he also always left Frau to uncover the whole picture himself.

"You had other things to worry about that day," Gido said. The look in his eyes was painfully forgiving, but it made Frau want to yell in further accusation. How incredulously stubborn this man could be. "I was going to tell you in time, I just hoped... the circumstances would be different. You didn't remember her – I didn't want to make this more complicated than it already is."

"Remember her?" Frau echoed. The words previously burning on his tongue forgotten. The question had vanished.

"You know her mother."

"Her mother?" What _the hell_ was he talking about? Gido nudged him to look at the surface again and Frau did, because frankly there was little else to do. Otherwise he would have just stared at the man until it dawned on him or until Gido gave up and told him.

Alright. He wanted him to look... but at what? So he watched, waiting for a sign, and found it when the girl put her arms akimbo and frowned upon the two men talking to her. She didn't exactly spit back fury, or fire as some would expect from her mother, but there was serious concern in her eyes.

It was in her posture. Something that reminded him evidently of Magdalen. Frau shook his head, ran a hand through his hair. No, he was probably wrong. "You don't mean to tell me...what I think you mean to tell me is..."

Gido merely shrugged and smiled that awfully chipper smile he sometimes wanted to tear of his face, and Frau realised how much he'd missed it.

"Seriously?" Frau took a deep breath. Gido nodded. Great.

In all fairness he did have a vague memory of Mag having a daughter, only that his association had never sprung to Gido when it came to the father. Said man had been somewhat inexistent. His foster mother had made him watch over her daughter at times, that much he remembered. Yet Maya's face had almost completely vanished from his memory, along with her voice. Frau barely remembered small hands tugging at his clothes and small feet, tumbling behind as she followed his step.

Gut heavy with invisible rocks, Frau felt like he was collapsing into himself. Shoulders sinking, hands losing their grip.

This was hardly better than seeing Teito.

All he wanted to do was disappear to somewhere else, and he knew he could, but he also didn't want to leave Gido alone. Not with _this_. And so he stayed, quietly watching the surface of the lake. Sometimes when he couldn't bear it anymore he got up and took a walk, then returned only to find Gido frozen on his spot, watching with stoic calm. And it made Frau wonder if that was what ten years in heaven did to you. Sometimes he watched him, watched Gido, wondered what he was thinking, but it was hard to tell.

After a while he put his head on Gido's shoulder and kept watching. It was all he could do anyway.

Time had been ticking by slowly while they had watched Teito, his former friends, Maya, and even Ayanami. Frau had blurted out the question how in heaven and on earth he could summon that so easily to the surface. But of course Gido had an answer for that too. It was almost infuriating.

Technically it was possible to summon any person to the surface of the lake, as long as you had a face to think of. More important than that although was the emotional connection. The deeper your emotional connection to the person at hand, whether it be a good or a bad one, the easier the image was to summon.

It had taken a split-second for Gido to make Ayanami's face appear on the surface. Frau could only wonder how much hate you needed to have seething through your veins to make it that easy, and realised he didn't want to know.

By the time they returned to the church he felt emotionally drained. So when he was back in his room, his remaining energy didn't take him much further than to his bed. Frau buried his face in the sheet, awkwardly noticing that he seemed to do that a lot lately for various reasons.


	2. Deerstand

Credit for the names of Asyl and Gala goes to Branch. I liked them so much I kept them and frankly and I can't think of any name more fitting for the previous incarnations of Zehel and Profe.  
I also edited Ayanami's name, since he will be reappearing topic, even before he actually appears on set.

I'm glad to see people interested in this story. Big thanks for the favs and flollow!

* * *

During his short stay Frau had found out that, including him, roughly four generations of Ghosts occupied the church. There was Gido's generation, the fourth, Asyl's the third, which was thinning out, then the second which was constructed of the leftovers from the generations before Asyl, and last the weirdos who didn't want to go back.

He himself felt a bit like a lone wolf among them.

Frau could hardly tell how long the heap of souls he had classified as the first generation had been up here, but he was sure that it had been indeed a _long, _long, time_._ Going by that, it was a sheer miracle none of them had gone crazy.

On a side note, it had the advantage of not having watch duty two days in a row.

Leaning against a pillar, Frau watched the Ghosts that were gathered in the warmth of the day beneath the canopy of the trees. While most of them were seated on the ground, standing or leaning against a tree, he found Gido sprawled out on a low hanging branch, two others had followed suit and seated themselves on a tree on the opposite side.

He could hear them talking in close distance.

"Just a guess, but you're wondering what they're doing," a voice chimed in, and Frau struggled not to jump. Instead, tension stiffened his postured.

He would definitely never ever get used to it. Carefully he turned his head, noticed Asyl standing close to him. A broad smile decorated her lips.

"As a matter of fact," Frau started as he turned his head away, "I know what they're doing." And it was probably the only sane way to pass time up here. "It's a game. Each player needs to think up three things they probably wished for in their past life. If all your wishes are guessed you're quote unquote dead. Last one to remain without all their wishes revealed wins." Nothing of course. "I haven't quite figured out the rules though. There's no specific pattern to the questions..."

"Maybe there are no rules?" Asyl suggested, smirking.

"No, there are. You need at least a couple if you're playing a game with that many participants," Frau responded, shaking his head.

The women next to him gave a curious hum. "Quite the perceptive guy..." Asyl combed a few chestnut coloured strands of her from her face. "You're right," she continued. "There are rules. It's always rounds in five. First five rounds are yes or no questions usually, second five open questions, after that they usually go with topics – seasons, locations and so on. A round is always over when all participants have asked their share of questions."

"But you have a specific number of questions, right?"

Asyl chuckled. "That's the catch. You can ask anyone as many questions as you like, but can only go on for so long as the answer is a positive one. Means, as soon as there's a no, it's someone else's turn. Also you can't ask one about the others." She paused for a moment. "But you usually get a pretty good idea what they're like when you spend so much time with them. So you usually have a hunch what they've picked." She shrugged and smiled up at him.

"I got another question."

"Yeah?"

"What's Gido doing over there? He's not playing the game, that much I know." Silence answered him and as he turned away from the group to face Asyl she seemed thoughtful. "What?"

"Not entitled to answer," Asyl leaned back against the pillar opposed to his. Her smile had tilted ruefully.

Frau wanted to ask what she meant by that, but the look in her eyes made him quickly swallow his questions burning on his tongue. Instead he found himself asking, "looking forward to get back down again?"

"Yeah," she smiled, "but truthfully, I'll miss these idiots." Her eyes wandered off to somewhere distant. "That probably sounds weird to you, but... they're family, in a way." Asyl shrugged, a warm smile on her lips. "You were lucky, you know..."

Frau cocked an eyebrow. That woman broached a delicate subject.

Her dark blue eyes caught his in a soft gaze. "You were," she insisted, slumped against the pillar with a sigh. "See, contrary to you, we were scattered across the whole bloody continent. Most of us never met in person, and without Seele we would have probably never met each other. But you guys got a bloody brilliant chance to work together."

"I see..." Frau replied. "Honestly, when I think about it, it's a given that you're probably right. Although... I don't feel very lucky."

"Is that so..." she replied thoughtfully. "I suppose the lives that our kind lives do suck in general."

His answer was lost in a snort and the grin plastered to his face. "Guess so." His eyes were fixed on Gido again, but when he turned back to Asyl she was gone, vanished into thin air. It was a trick he was starting to get the hang of. After all, it was similar to teleporting as a Ghost.

For another while he watched them, listening to them talk and tease each other with laughter, but after a while he disappeared back inside. As the design was as similar to the last brick as the church downstairs, Frau had minimal trouble getting anywhere he wanted, and right now he needed to clear his head some.

With Asyl gone, his distraction was gone as well, and Ayanami was creeping back inside his head in the most unpleasant way.

Technically nobody knew. As a human he couldn't be denied entrance into heaven, even when he had been Verloren's host, but he also had plenty of blood on his own hands. Darkness had overcome both souls and that was a fact. Then again, Frau's own soul was brimming with darkness as well and he had gotten a chance to wash it out. And to be fair Ayanami should be allowed the same chance as well... and he would most likely be granted it. And that was what he didn't want to think about in the first place. Because that meant trying to figure out how to deal with his presence up here in heaven.

Would they let Ayanami in here? Nobody had commented on that yet. Frau hoped they wouldn't. Because it was one thing to know that he was up here and Ayanami was out there, lost among the strays, but it was a completely different thing to know he was just three floors down.

He could easily strangle him. Stab him.

Not that Ayanami would die that easily.

Or at all.

Not up here.

But it was something he was looking forward to. The thought made him tense, mostly because there was little against it inside him. And while Frau was prone to a little violence and wouldn't mind smacking someone around when it was called for, it wasn't the same as reverting happily to torture. In fact it made him wonder if one of the wires in his head had snapped.

Cursing under his breath, Frau fished in his pockets for a cigarette and stopped mid-stairs. Leaning against the wall, he took a deep, smoky, breath and closed his eyes. Letting it seep out slowly between his lips he opened them again, staring at nothing particular. For a couple more breaths of smoke he stayed where he was before he continued his way upstairs, soon finding himself on the exact same platform he had spend so many evenings watching the sun set. It was where he had waited for the night to swallow the country and the city lights to lure him in for the hunt.

The exact same spot where he had found Teito singing that evening.

Frau wasn't quite sure which memory cut deeper, but he supposed it was Teito's. With a sigh he closed his eyes, took another drag and ground the stump with his heel. He imagined himself sitting in his usual spot, let the image form in his head, and he opened his eyes again doing exactly as he pictured.

As it seemed vivid memories made this easier.

With nothing to do Frau found himself fisting a hand into his shirt, fumbling the hemline of it.

Suddenly, something was dropped onto his lap and Frau picked it up. It was a plaything, a ball, soft enough to squeeze and busy his fidgety fingers with. When he looked up, he saw Gido standing over him with a smile plastered on his face.

"So here you're hiding."

"Not anymore," Frau sighed and squished the ball in his hand. He threw it up high, catching it just in time before it could drop onto the ground so far below. "You're here. Why are you here? I need to think," he complained.

"Don't hurt yourself," Gido smirked. This time Frau aimed for his face and judging by the sound which escaped Gido's throat, he had hit hard.

Pleased with himself, Frau smiled and caught the other's counter attack before the ball could hit him. "I talked to Asyl," he mentioned, trying to change the subject. He tossed the ball over to Gido, who threw it back and they kept doing that as their conversation continued. "She said you, the Ghost's from before, didn't know each other. I mean... in person."

"What about it?"

"So it's true." The realisation came absolute and made him quite for several minutes. Frau turned the toy in his hand, before throwing it back.

Gido shrugged merely. "I met Gala every once in a while. And Fea a couple times," he said after a while. "Suppose being a pirate had its advantages after all..."

Upon that Frau arched his eyebrows in question. "Well, I never met her..."

"That's because there was no need to." Frau growled and Gido answered with that ever forgiving and sorry look in his eyes that made him seethe time and time again. Gido only sighed, "she was our GP."

Frau blinked. "What?"

"You heard me." He smiled. "She treated our injuries-it came in as a handy excuse to visit her every now and then."

"Visit her?" Why was it that with everything Gido told him, he only ever reminded him of how little he knew about him. It made him feel like a kid once more. It also made him angry, as he felt it was unfair.

"Yeah, at the Krat estate. She was sister to the current head of the house. Under her watch, we were permitted entrance as long as we kept away from the main building and the kids. Well, one could say he _tolerated_ our stay though."

His undertone gave away what he didn't say. They hadn't been friends. At least not with the head of the house. Nothing out of the ordinary, Frau guessed, but there was something else on his mind. "What about the soldiers? Bet the king wasn't happy to have you hanging out with his minions."

"Nobles estates are neutral ground. As long as we had her on our side they were unable to do a thing."

Something else came to his mind. "Wait a second. She lived with her family?"

"Yeah..." Gido scratched his throat in thought. "She once told me it was far from home and everyone thought it was a miracle she survived. After that... I'm not quite sure. From what I gathered over the years she's been home since then."

An unusual fate. Then again Gido had stayed on Eden as well. Just like Fea had stayed with his brother and nephew. Teito... his hand clutched hard around the ball he caught and a half choked sound made it past his lips. Teito had always been angry with him when he had kept things from him, but lately he had been realising that Gido did the same. Apparently Frau had taken on his bad habits as well. "What about you...?" he asked, quite shyly.

"Me?" Gido pointed a finger at himself and seemed surprised.

Frau took a deep breath and let it out, as he looked up. "Yes," he replied. "You." Silence fell upon them as he scrutinised Gido. The man he looked up to and... loved, in a way. He kept things from him too. The question, though, was why. "I don't know anything about you," he said quietly and pressed his lips together.

All in all he was a book of seven seals wrapped into one giant enigma.

Gido seemed to think the same, as he smiled in answer and chuckled. "But we both know that's not quite true."

"It is," Frau insisted as he pouted. "You never told me anything about yourself, but you know my life story. That's quite unfair. It's not like I'm asking you to tell me about your death." He muttered the lasts words, as it was a delicate subject for both sides in many ways. His eyes had dropped to the ground.

Gido's answer surprised him. "Well, what do you want to know?"

He blinked and looked up. What did he...? Frau tried to come up with a precise answer or question, but in the end he merely shrugged and said, "I don't know. Anything." Suddenly he smirked and ran a hand through his hair, averting his eyes almost sheepishly. "Tell me about Mag and that... thing you had," he said and quickly added, "if that's okay of course."

"It's okay." His answer came with a chuckle. "And if by _thing_ you mean relationship, we," there was a notable pause in his speech. "We weren't like that."

Frau couldn't exactly say that it surprised him, because he couldn't remember the two of them being a couple or anything close to that. Yet... yet there was the fact that they had a daughter. "Then what was it?" Frau heard himself ask. "I mean... you knew each other, I already gathered that much as a kid. But you also have a kid, so it certainly wasn't nothing."

"You're right," Gido nodded and crossed his arms. "It was something, but we were just friends."

He snorted. "Yeah, right. _Friends._" Frau smirked. "Seems more like friends with benefits to me," he teased.

"No, really, it wasn't," Gido denied as he shook his head. He sighed. "We were close, she was my best friend, we grew up together, but we certainly weren't like that."

"Killjoy," Frau sighed, but smiled. The expression on Gido's face spoke of open fondness, something Frau had rarely ever seen. Then he sighed, because he could guess the answer as to why there was a child too easily. And he wasn't keen to know the details about it. There were a lot ways to get to that outcome without an actual relationship. "But... did you have a girlfriend?"

"No," Gido smiled. "No girlfriend."

"Yet that smile tells me there was somebody. A boyfriend?" An agreeing hum answered him. "Do I get a name?"

"No," this time he smirked. "You won't get a name from me."

There was something undeniably sad about Gido's expression, which automatically silenced Frau for a while. "Did he die?", he asked quietly.

"No," Gido said. And that was what made Frau ultimately curious. He could tell something had happened, something bad and Gido wasn't telling him what it was. He was about to open his mouth and ask, when Gido did the same and told him, "Don't. I don't want to talk about it."

So all he said was, "that bad?"

"Far worse than you can imagine..." And Frau swallowed at the brittle tone in Gido's voice. But at the same time he clenched his fists. Somebody had hurt Gido and that went beyond his sympathy.

Frau was not foolish enough to believe his mentor, his hero, was invincible, but whoever had created that sad, rueful look on his face deserved a proper beating. Without a second thought Frau walked up to him and patted his head with a smile. "It's okay," he said and shrugged, although his fibres were burning with curiosity. "You don't have to talk about it. I know now... what _it's_ like."

"And I wish you didn't."

At that Frau's smile tilted sadly. There was nothing they could do about that now. They had died back then. Gido had died for good while Frau had become Zehel in his place. It was inevitable. A sigh escaped his lips, as thinking about this was depressing. With every passing second his mood seemed to worsen as well. They were in need of a change of subject and scenery, Frau decided. He tried to smile once more and he gripped the fur collar on Gido's coat. "How about you help me pick a new favourite spot?" he suggested. "I like this place, but... too many memories cling to it." And right now he could use a far less depressing atmosphere.

"So that's what you call it? Favourite spot? I would've rather gone for deer stand or lookout..."

Quietly, Frau snorted. "Guess so..." he muttered, still trying to smile. "So, care to help me?" He nodded towards the open yard and was surprised by a kiss when he turned his head back. Some incoherent muttering was lost along his lips.

"Yeah," Gido muttered close to his lips and smiled. "But I don't think you need a new spot..."

Frau's eyebrows arched up. "Oh, and you happen to know just exactly what I need."

"Of course."

"And that would be?"

His answer surprised Frau. "Pleasant memories. You come here to think, but this place reminds you of your hunts and Tiashe and all that, and while thinking about your brat might not be so bad, it still hurts. So I think you need a few happy memories to connect to this place."

Unexpectedly, Frau found himself laughing quietly. The words he wanted to speak were silenced in a kiss though, and his complaint hummed in his throat. "Gido..." he muttered, face hot. Still, he fisted his hands into the man's coat, not pushing him away. "I..." In a surge of frustration Frau bit Gido's nose when he wouldn't let him talk, and finally the man flinched away. "It's not only that," he pouted.

"Then what is it?" Gido sighed, the frustration evident in his voice.

"This place..." Frau paused and held his breath for a second. Somehow saying this out loud was much more embarrassing than just thinking about it. And it hurt a lot more. Finally he shook his head. Gido had been nothing more than a memory for most of his life and this place just reminded him of it. "I just want a new spot... some place where..." _you're more than just a memory_, he thought. "Just some place new," he said and pressed a quick, light kiss onto the other's lips. "Okay?"

"Alright," Gido said, and Frau sighed as fingers were threaded through his hair again.

For a moment, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to lean into the touch, knowing it was more than selfish. Gido was dear to him, and he loved him in many ways, but he wasn't _in love_. Ever since his death, pain had haunted him, just like his whole life, and when he had finally found someone who had been able to numb the ugly feeling aching in his chest, his love had been ripped from him. Ever since then, ever since he had died, he had been trying to numb it again.

Gido's presence soothed his reopened wounds as well as the new ones, and Frau was willing to give in to the warmth of it. After all, he was only passing time, and Gido was probably doing the same. Wasn't that what all of them did one way or another? Licking each other's wounds like injured animals, till the bleeding and burning stopped. Hoping that holding on tight would make the pain go away. He wouldn't see Teito in a long time anyway, and the next time he does, Teito probably wouldn't remember him anyway.

The thought of it hurt. In fact, lately an awful lot hurt. The sex, the kisses, the holding on tight until knuckles went white and hands hurt, all of this numbed the pain for a while at least. The pain related to Teito and his friends, and Gido was an entirely different paint to deal with.

To Frau it felt like inflicting another kind of pain to forget the same. Like breaking a finger or a hand to overwrite the burning sensation of a gaping flesh wound.

Lately he was breaking limbs very often.

And the guilt he felt was mostly because by drowning it out, the pain about losing Teito, he was forgetting him. And that was what Frau didn't want to do. He didn't want to forget, he just wanted the pain to stop for a while.

"Let's go then," Gido spoke softly. "We'll find you a nice, warm place to hide from everyone," he encouraged with the hint of a grin back in his voice.

Chipper as always, Frau thought and smiled thinly, then sank headfirst onto his shoulder. Suddenly he did not want to go anymore; he also did not want to replace the memories. In fact... "It will stop one day... right?" he asked the other man quietly.

A heavy sigh escaped Gido's throat. "It becomes bearable one day." And he kept running a hand through his hair, Frau basking in the feeling, as he needed that comfort more than anything.

Frau tried to ignore the bitterness in Gido's voice.


	3. Pastime

In the end Frau had went alone to look for a new place to think and hide. Finally, after hours of frustration and searching, he found himself at the bridge of trials. Frau felt like he should be fuming with frustration at this outcome, but found himself simply tired, realising that there was probably no place in this replica of the church that wasn't somehow connected to his past. Everywhere he went he was haunted by his memories. He had even been to his old room and the catacombs, hoping to find some solace in the familiar and quiet, but hadn't.

At last he found himself in Bastien's room, and he quickly curled up in a corner close to the bed. Frau closed his eyes and smiled a little when he noticed Gido as he appeared in the room. He didn't need to look up to know. He knew Gido's soul all too well, and in heaven it was even easier to recognise a familiar one's presence. Aside from that there was no one except Gido who would look for him in this place right now anyway.

"I don't think this place is any better than the roof...", Gido said quietly and Frau shrugged, though he had to agree. It really wasn't.

"Nowhere is," he then admitted. "All I want is a place not packed with memories, but that's apparently too much to ask..." It was all _too_ familiar, right to the point where it almost physically hurt.

"Well I do know one place you haven't been yet..." A smirk curled around the corners of Gido's mouth as he offered Frau a hand.

Taking it, Frau replied, "frankly, I doubt that." But he was too tired of finding nowhere to go to reject the offer. Closing his eyes, Frau got up, hand tightening around Gido's for a moment as they teleported... _elsewhere_. Wherever _that_ was.

When he opened his eyes Frau realised they were still at the church, which was mildly disappointing. Just another room filled with memories for him. It looked much like one of those among the bishop's quarters, though it shouldn't be too far from his own. However, he also noted that he had never seen it before.

Frowning, he gazed around. This one clearly had been inhabited for quite some time. He could tell from the interior and various items scattered across the room. One of the walls was decorated with two pairs of swords, which was probably the only good use you could put them into up here. For one because there were no battles to fight, but also because he doubted they would do any good in hurting souls. They looked awfully familiar...

On a table nearby was a box of cigarettes and Frau saw several books scattered across the room. One was on the bed stand, a couple on the floor, one on the window sill, and a few on the table. And each of them had a bookmark of its own. There seemed to be one for every halfway comfortable nook and a whole lot more on the shelves. They had been added to the standard interior.

There was also a dark baldachin over the bed, matching the dark tapestry. The fabric was purple, almost black. It pictured an emblem Frau was sure he had seen before, he just couldn't remember where. The table was covered in maps and pencils, mugs and coffee stains and there was a sextant too. Someone had started painting a starry night sky on the wall. A smile formed on his lips as he looked back to Gido and bowed his head. "Of course..." he murmured.

Gido's room. Frau closed his eyes with a sigh, silently admitting that this was a pleasant surprise.

"Next time when you feel like running, you might as well run to me," a couple fingers tipped his chin up. Frau opened his eyes, lifting his head. "Besides. I'm disappointed. You used to follow me everywhere and now I don't get a single visit."

At that he laughed. "Don't flatter yourself, old man. I only followed you for my own benefit. Besides I made you run after me for months, I think that's pretty impressive!"

"I didn't–"

"You hardly left my side and when you did you never kept me waiting. You insisted on staying with me."

"Of course. I had to look after you. You snored away almost three months drowned in sorrow and self-pity and if you think I let you–"

There were no words, only laughter in his reply and he pulled Gido close by gripping onto his coat. Frau kissed him, biting his lower lip and let go with a smirk. The captain's cabin had often been his refuge, although he would have never admitted it out loud. "Quit being mother hen for once will you?" The smirk remained on his lips.

Gido had always looked out for him, had tried to hold a protecting hand over him, yet he had always run. And now he was offering him a place to run to, but Frau wasn't sure what to think of it. It was one thing to have Gido worrying about him, but another being invited into his life like this... It was– Frau swallowed and smiled thinly. It was...

Pastime.

He had to remind himself of that. It was mere pastime what they did and he knew it. They both knew it. Still, the feeling overflowing in his chest told of something else as he wrapped his arms around Gido, leaning against his shoulder. Once more Frau wished for it to ease the pain and sooth his wounds. He was so glad to have him back, hardly anything else mattered. Neither loosing Teito nor that he might end up sharing heaven with Ayanami. Not that he could do much about either though.

Frau meant to say _thank you_, but Gido might have gathered that from the kiss he gave him. There was a smile on his lips when he pulled away. Then he let go and walked over to the table to pick up one of the books. "So that's what you've been doing in your spare time when you weren't busy missing me?"

The answer Gido gave was a smile, with a tilt of the head.

Frau picked up a notebook and skimmed through the pages. He remembered seeing similar ones back then on the Aegis. Most of the scribbles looked nearly illegible, except for a few drawings, and Frau noticed it was notes about Kors. There was a sketch of a wing and a mark and other things he didn't recognise. It made him wonder why Gido took interest in these things. Then again it wasn't much out of the ordinary for a Ghost.

"The Princess Bride!", Frau beamed as he put the notebook down and picked up another book. "How come this is here?" He flipped the heavy book open and skimmed a few pages, noting comments and crossed out pages. He chuckled and closed the book, tracing a hand over its cover. Long nights of little sleep and endless days of rain and thunder came to his head, as well as Gido's voice.

Gido came over and took it from his hand, running his finger over the imprinted letters. "Because I read it to you. I know the story and that's how it ended up in our library."

"That doesn't make much sense," Frau remarked raising a brow.

"Probably," Gido shrugged, smiled. "You see, our library is added with every death. Each one of us has consumed a multitude of stories and information during our lives. Not necessarily in the form of a book though. That's just how all our gathered knowledge is stored here. And that's also why there's often no author or source given, but the sign of the Ghost who gathered the information at hand."

For a moment Frau thought that through, then he broke into a sudden fit of laughter. "I contribute my share of porn with pleasure," he explained giggling and Gido joined in for a moment. "I hope it came with the covers I choose," Frau said grinning. "There's nothing like a good old bit of history with scantily dressed girls."

"We should probably warn the others..."

"Nah, they know me better than I know them. They knew what they were getting themselves into." Accusing, he glared at Gido. "Thanks to you and that damn lake."

"Right...", Gido drew out the syllable in this. "Next time I'll keep to myself how proud I am."

The complaints he had attempted to voice were silenced into a mutter. Lately Gido had it way too easy to make him blush, but he also had way too plausible and thought-out arguments to stop their disputes. Lately, life wasn't fair. Frau missed teasing Gido for the sheer joy of having him go through the roof. Alas the man seemed to have lost his quick temper. Which wasn't all bad, it just meant that... things would never be exactly as they once were again. And that this was different from what he had wanted.

Whenever Frau had wished him back, had wished his life and family and comrades back, he hadn't put much thought into it. Never had he considered the most obvious thing, that what he might get back wasn't what it had once been. Though that was probably a good thing as well, considering how their relationship had changed. Otherwise this would have been twice as weird as it already was.

Outside, the sky was growing darker and it would be night soon. For some weird reason their world was affected by it too. Gido didn't have an explanation for that, which Frau had noted with a triumphant look. So he didn't have an answer to everything after all.

It was completely different from what he knew and it had taken a while for him to get used to it. In the end, it was just too pretty to be bothered by how weird it was. At nightfall there were no stars. Instead thin silver lines would thread through the sky slowly growing into an impressive replica of the all too rare northern lights.

Apparently he had spent more time on searching for a new hideout than he had thought.

Part of him considered going back to his own room, but he had gotten so used to sharing a room, as well as a bed, with Gido that he wouldn't miss it. Beneath it though was the childish fear that Gido might disappear when he let him go. It was something that he wouldn't be able to cope with a second time.

"So, you're going to stay?", Gido asked. At that Frau merely held out his arms and followed willingly when Gido gathered him close. "That's exactly what I was hoping for."

"Lewd old man," he teased with a grin. "Someone's gotta make sure you sleep at all. Didn't you know that's the only reason I ever stay?"

It was a loud _smack_ which woke him to the most bitterly frustrated expression he had ever seen on Gido's face. Confused Frau rubbed his eyes as he was trying to make sense of the situation. It felt like nearly mid-morning, though it was hard to keep track of time with no clocks of any kind. Luckily, he was too tired to care.

But Gido was fuming, arms folded and gritting his teeth. And _that_ was something he cared about.  
"What's wrong?", he uttered drowsy.

The answer Frau got was of no help to that. "No one's dying," Gido snarled.

"What?" Frau heaved himself up to dare a look at what had happened. There was a book lying on the floor and apparently the cause for Gido's discontentment. Still sleepy, Frau chuckled as he began to piece it together. "Come here..." he muttered, still laughing as he wrapped Gido in his arms. "Nobody's dying," he agreed and smirked, pressed a kiss to his head. _What an idiot... _he fondly thought to himself. He proceeded to hug him.

Gido fumed for another while, but was the first one to break the silence. "You hungry?", he asked and startled Frau for a few seconds. First off, simply because Frau hadn't really thought about eating since he had died, and secondly because he realized he had _not_ in fact eaten since he had died. Then again, Frau had to admit he wasn't feeling particularly hungry at all. More precisely he did not feel an essential need for eating, or sleeping as for that matter. Yet he still slept and even felt tired now and then. Maybe his hunger would come back with time...

"I don't know," he admitted, screwing up his face. Why would he want to eat now anyway? "I don't need to, do I? Do we even have actual food up here? Like, edible stuff that's not completely weird or gross."

"Technically not, but it lifts the mood," Gido smiled. He untangled himself from Frau's grip to get up. "And yes, we do. You'd be surprised." Frau didn't trust the smile that curled up his mouth. "You–"

"One more word and you'll lose your tongue. I won't ever get used to this freakish place," Frau scowled and screwed up his face.

After several attempts of getting out of bed and dressed, Frau later found himself in the refectory. He hadn't been here since... _forever_.

That sounded about right.

The last time he had seen this hall he had been with Teito. They had argued and he had tried to nick his food, which had caused the brat to elbow him in the side. The thought brought a little smile to his lips as he ran a hand over his face.

Most of the hall was empty, as there were hardly enough of them to fill one table alone. Instead, everyone was scattered across the front in small groups of three or four, seldom larger or smaller. The emptiness beyond emphasised how big the hall really was and Frau had to swallow. He was used to hundreds of people filling these walls, chatting and arguing and laughing. Not like this, with the silence weighing heavy on his shoulders. He tried to swallow, and barely noticed how Gido dragged him to a table where two other Ghost's were already seated.

One of them was Fea he noticed, and Frau managed to put on a rather sheepish smile. He hadn't really talked to Fea since his arrival in heaven. Being with him was slightly awkward. After all the man had been like a father to Teito, and was in fact his uncle to make it all worse, but the worst was that he had probably watched eighty percent of their relationship and that was something Frau felt highly uncomfortable with.

Teito would probably laugh if he could see him now.

Even worse now, he was left to sit next to Fea while Gido took the seat next to the woman across. Still not hungry at all, Frau stared at the dishes at hand and noticed that there was quite the variety for a church. But also no meat. He wondered where the hell it all came from. Yet he asked, "don't tell me we've got to follow the rules of church up here too?"

Fea was the first to grasp the meaning behind it and reply. "No, but... well this is rather doing a friend a favour," he smiled, glancing notably at Gido. Gido simply smiled and scratched his throat.

_Right_, Frau thought, tilting his head in question and curiosity. Then he only nodded. There was a vague memory of this, but he would bother later with it. For one he was used to it and besides, there were more pressing matters at hand.

Warily he eyed Fea who seemed to be delighted about his company. He was chatting with Gido and the woman, but Frau paid attention to neither of them. He was staring at the food presented to him as he tried to summon hunger, or the urge to eat, or simply an appetite at all. In the end he found himself having none of them. Eating seemed fairly pointless. Just like being here in this hall where he only thought of Castor and Lab, or of fighting over dinner with Teito.

"Come on," Fea urged him. "Eat. It's good for your soul."

"I suppose..." Frau said, blinking, and looked up. "I'm not hungry," he then admitted. "It's not like I need to eat anyway."

"Eating comforts the soul." Gido pinched his nose and Frau growled, rubbing the pain away.

"But I'm not hungry," he insisted, picking at one of dishes on his plate. Apparently another of Gido's infamous urges to take care of him. Frau had to admit it looked tasty, it even smelled delicious, and although he felt like sulking he took a few small bites. Carefully chewing he noticed that Gido was watching him as the man continued his conversation with the woman he couldn't name. They seemed to know each other.

To his own surprise he leaned in to ask Fea, "who's she?" between two reluctantly taken bites. Frau felt far from hungry, but at least it gave him something to do.

"That's Tamika, she was Vertrag before me," Fea explained, beaming. And the worst was that Frau knew exactly why.

Burying his face in a hand he mouthed, "quit that." It was awkwardly embarrassing.

"I'm sorry," he said and Frau noted the sincere apology on his face. "I can't help myself. I'm glad for what happened. Glad for what you did." Frau only ducked his head in response. "I owe you so much for what you did for Tiashe."

"You owe me nothing," Frau replied with a sigh. A thin smile decorated his lips as he looked up, locking their eyes for a moment. "After all who knows better how to mend a broken soul then the broken?" He spoke low, hoped that Gido didn't hear him or at least ignored his words, but Frau noticed how everyone went awfully quiet for a moment.

That didn't particularly help with making him feel more at ease, he noticed, and was twice as glad when Tamika and Gido continued their conversation. Because then he could ask Fea quietly, "how come they know each other?"

"Well..."

"Because there has rarely ever been a cut as clear as after the war. Before, the different generations of our kind were more close, as usually no more than one or two died and were replaced," Tamika explained, cutting off Fea. She smiled sweetly at Frau who once more felt like a boy and his actions stupid. "You could have just asked," she then added and glanced at Gido. "I heard a lot about you," Tamika added as warmth spread through her smiled.

Oh great, Frau glared at Gido, his teeth less chewing and more squashing the food. Another who knew his life story. Suddenly the little appetite he had managed to summon vanished. Tamika smiled apologetically, quietly said something to Gido, and then excused herself. She ruffled Gido's hair as she went away.

Uncertain, he eyed Gido, and his question was answered before it was voiced. "You didn't scare her away." How _nice_ to know, Frau thought grimly. He was poking a fork at his food. "Don't look at me like that," the expression on Gido's face softened, and Frau sighed, almost resigning.

It was tiresome and suddenly he didn't want to be in this place either. The food wasn't too blame. Frau felt, very badly, like running. Or yelling. Snapping. He gritted his teeth instead.

"What's wrong?" Gido asked, softly. Too soft. There was too much patience and understanding in his voice.

Fea cleared his throat. "I probably shouldn't have mentioned Tiashe..." he muttered, though more to himself, and Frau thought about how stupid that was. Shouldn't Fea be the one unable to talk about him at all?

"That's not it," Frau sighed, running a hand over his face. "I just _can't_ stand _it._ Everybody knows everything about me. That's not fair!" He sulked, frustrated.

"Your boy got a point there," Fea remarked and Frau involuntarily blushed.

Now, this was even worse, considering the turn their relationship had taken. Fortunately Gido seemed to agree, as Frau could see he was mildly uncomfortable with that.

"I think he's outgrown that term," Gido said and reached across the table to ruffle Frau's hair.

Frau let it happen and remained silent.

A chuckle answered from Fea. "Oh, I don't think they'll ever outgrow being our little boys completely," he said, half teasing with a glance at Frau.

Frau sunk down, glancing sheepishly across the table. He hadn't grown particularly shameful or easy to embarrass in his time up here, but telling Fea what had been going on since his arrival didn't seem quite right. The man was so happy about what had happened between him and Teito, he couldn't take that away now once he had seen it. No matter how fleeting the reasons why he kept Gido company in bed, it was only temporary. A way to forget the pain and a rather enjoyable one too. But all in all, it was out of the question to let Fea know.

Which left the fact that calling him _boy_ just seemed weird. "I do have a name," Frau reminded them. "And stop talking over my head. I'm here."

"My apologies," Fea answered.

Frau sighed to himself and started eating again. He caught the two men smiling; they seemed awfully familiar with each other. A moment later, he wanted to ask if they had been friends, but then he remembered what Gido had told him. They had barely ever seen each other. Which meant this relationship had probably built up in the last ten years or so. And while he was glad to see Gido had made friends, he found himself to be a bit jealous too.

Oh right, there was no personal heaven. Gido had been _so_ right. Another sigh escaped his lips as he continued eating. The atmosphere was quiet and felt heavier than it should. Though it eased after a while when Fea started asking him about Teito, and it brought back more of the pleasant memories he had believed forgotten. The subject didn't come without pain, but it was bearable. It was even okay, because when he watched Fea's smile he knew was easing someone else's pain.

They ended up chatting about the church, mainly to Gido's entertainment, as Gido couldn't contribute much on the subject, only but a few anecdotes gathered on his journeys.

Frau wouldn't go as far as to say it was due to the food he consumed, but something about the whole situation seemed to lift a weight from his soul. By the time he left the refectory behind, he had a smile he didn't notice decorating his face. He was strolling through the garden with no aim or destination when he almost bumped into Tamika.

"Oh, sorry!" she exclaimed, brushing a strand from her face.

"No worries. Wasn't looking where I was going either," Frau shrugged, smiled, and then frowned. He remembered how she had left earlier and somehow wanted to apologise. "Look, about earlier..." he started, rubbing his right arm, a habit from having the scythe and running his fingers across the letters imprinted to his skin...

Tamika sighed and shook her head. "It's okay. I understand why you were upset."

"You understand?" frankly, he was confused. But only for a moment, because that was when he realised, understanding was given away for free en masse in these parts of heaven. He groaned, "of course you do."

Tamika chuckled. "Oh my, seems like we didn't leave the best impression," she said and put her arms akimbo. There was something motherly about her posture and expression, Frau thought, and blinked and suddenly it was gone.

"Gido seems to like you," he noted like the jealous little boy he felt. He was even sulking a bit.

"And I do like him," Tamika replied with a gentle smile. Which made him wonder what kind relationship theirs had been. Though she could hardly be his type, considering Magdalen's personality. Tamika was too gentle... With a pretty face that could awaken a taste for difference. "I took care of him when he took over Asyl's place."

With a wave of her hand she encouraged Frau to come along, and so he did, suddenly curious. Gido never spoke of his time as Zehel. "What do you mean?" he asked, eyeing her as she walked beside him. She had the walk of a queen, or of a princess at least, he noticed.

"Well, you grew up with the other Ghosts, but when one or two die at a time that usually leaves the children among us to deal with everything alone. And you experienced where that can lead first hand."

"The Shadow," Frau sighed. Rumour said it was Landkarte.

Tamika nodded in response. "If the rumours are true at last."

"Tell me about Gido," Frau asked, suddenly quite eager to hear more from her.

She chuckled and combed her hair behind her ears. "He was a smart little boy," she said with a smile. There was a thoughtful pause in her speech. "Not half his height now and... unexpectedly earnest for a child. He was a few years younger than you were, but he took it with surprising calm... most of the time."

Younger? The thought of it made his stomach turn, as he remembered Gido's words. _They always go for the youngest._ So it _was_ true. "Guess we all have to grow into our roles..."

"Not all, but most of us," Tamika corrected him. Lightly she squeezed his arm. "You reminded me of him... sometimes..." she admitted.

Frau only shook his head in response. He knew he shared a couple character traits with him, after all Gido had raised him, but that was all. "I doubt that," he responded into the silence.

"And I know better," Tamika said. "A mother should know her child and I know what I saw. You two share a lot more than you know and maybe that's even for the better, because it's been a long while since I have seen him smile like this."

Frankly, Frau had stopped listening at _mother_. "What?" he uttered.

"_What_ – what?" Tamika frowned.

But Frau only shook his head. This was beyond his comprehension. "What – _mother_?!" Tamika could hardly be Gido's mother, could she? That would be... was that even possible? Well, in a way, but... "I demand an explanation and this better be a good one, because I'm trying to get my head around it and can't." Mostly because he didn't see Gido affiliated with any of the Houses of God, whether royal or noble.

Tamika's mouth opened in a silent _oh_ as it dawned on her, and she quickly covered it with a hand. She suppressed a small fit of laughter with it.

What the hell was so funny about this?

Apologetic, she glanced up at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you. Well, he's not... my son," she explained. Now she put both of her hands onto his arm. "Not by blood, or marriage for that matter," she said and smiled, lowering her gaze. "But I do feel that way," Tamika continued quietly and turned away, folding her arms. "Someone needed to take care of him and that's what I did... He needed that. For some time at least." Her eyes went up to meet Frau's again, theirs eyes locking in the gaze. "In fact, I believe of all you did. Someone to teach you how to walk in those shoes... It's a heavy burden and it already felt overwhelming to me. I don't want to imagine what it's like for a child."

Suffocating. _Crushing_. Frau uttered neither of these words. Just waited for her to talk again.

When she spoke again her voice was quiet, "I hope this makes you feel better next time you see me. Be it with him or not."

To that Frau had no answer, but he had a feeling that it would help... The next time. "I will keep it in mind," he finally replied and then added, "tell me more about yourself. You seem like you've grown up in a royal household?"

"Observant," Tamika noted impressed, smiling. Frau couldn't tell what she was thinking, but she was obviously willing to continue their conversation and so they did.

Maybe Gido had been right. Maybe lying in bed all day wasn't all there was to this place, and he would find out the different ways of passing time by getting to know the others.

* * *

A little birdy whispered me, I have indeed shy readers. Which startled me to be honest. You don't have to be. I don't bite and I'll probably turn into a gooey, compeltely harmless, mess if you comment. I will most likely make little happy noises and incoherent gibble gabble, just so you know.

I hereby dedicate this chapter to Aoshiru, as she suggested to name it after here when I pondering over a title just moments ago.

And here's a bit of extra information: Gido's love for books and his attachment to the characters was decided over a tumblr post stating "the owner of this blog is too attached to fictional characters." And that was too in character for him.

Regarding The Princess Bride: I decided to make the original book a part of their world, which means there is no narrator just a lot of boring or unimportant pages inbetween the story parts. For those who have been wondering why Gido needed to cross out pages and make comments - that's the exact reason. He probably took over the part of the narrator when reading it to Frau and made anecdotes and told him why these and those pages where utterly unnessecary.

I just really hope you enjoyed reading this! Also big thanks for the follows and favs! I really appreaciate that uwu


	4. Child

FINALLY IT IS DONE!

Many thanks to my beta and all of your patience. The ending of this one was a real hassle, thankfully now I've finished it. I hope you enjoy it!

On an extra note: Devaki is the name I gave the scythe!

* * *

Each of the families had bastards, some more some less. Presumably Zehel's family ranked first, or among the first, when it came to those. At least the fact that neither him or Gido were affiliated with their House of God suggested it. Tamika belonged to this category as well. During their conversation he had found out that she had grown up as half-sister to the queen, and mother of Teito's father and uncle. And Ayanami, but Frau tried really hard not to think of that.

Although a bastard, her father had taken her in, as he had thought she would prove a good friend to his daughter. The two girls had been almost inseparable and when Tamika spoke of her sister there was fondness in her voice. Apparently she hadn't died until she had been an adult. But though that was all Frau got out of her regarding that subject, he didn't mind. Nobody ever liked talking about their own death.

"You know... and please don't get me wrong, but I'm glad you're here."

Frau only raised a brow and dug his heel into the soft grass. They were sitting on the edge of the great fountain, the water a soft rush behind them. And no mermaid. Maybe it was better this way, Razette had never liked him anyway. "How do you... mean...?" The words rolled slowly, almost cautious of his tongue.

Tamika sighed, and as Frau glanced at her he watched her groping for words. "Don't tell him," she finally said. "He won't like it that I talked about it," her warm smile tilted slightly. "But I haven't seen Gido this happy in a long time. He's always been more earnest than it's been good for him. Even when he was a child."

Well, _that_ was interesting. Frau turned his head and frowned slightly. "I thought that's what ten years in heaven do to you..." he mentioned carefully. "I don't... remember him like that," Frau rubbed a hand over his arm where the scythe once had been. "He used to tease me and was always busy, but... he..."

"Always had a smile for you," Tamika nodded, then smiled and added, "that's what we do for the children we care for. That's what we do for family. We don't let them worry."

Frau frowned upon that and crossed his arms.

"You wouldn't let Tiashe fret about you, would you?" she reminded him and at that Frau understood. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. It wasn't really like that, was it? He asked himself, rubbing his forehead.

A moment long he wanted to ask why Gido would want to hide anything from him, but as his hands sunk down he knew. The same reasons why he had kept things from Teito. It would be all the same no matter what he was hiding. "But I'm not a child anymore." It was meant to be a complaint but it turned out to be more of an realisation, because when he could get Gido to realise that all the way, maybe he would talk to him then. He turned to Tamika, "thanks."

Tamika blinked, but soon understood and smiled. "Good luck," she said.

Frau disappeared.

There were only so many places Gido could be and most of his favourites featured the attributes of high and open spaces. Preferably the latter, as Frau had noted that he seemed to favour the great outdoors.

Frau found him bathing in the warm waters of one of the weird springs at the cross. (The location literally had the outlines of the same thing tattooed on his back. There even was a reception desk and tons of flasks and bottles and jars and towels. Frankly this place lacked none of the essentials and more.) Gido's head was cushioned by his arms from the hard, but surely warm rocks beneath. His breath slow and even as he dozed in the warm sunlight.

Any other time Frau would have shoved him into the spring, but now he merely took off his boots and rolled up his trousers, then sat down at his side, legs dangling in the warm water. It was all to rare to find Gido sound asleep, Frau had learned that lesson a long time ago, so he certainly wouldn't disturb him now.

He had always been a night owl, hardly sleeping at night, always at daytime. _If_ at all, and that was the worrisome point here. Gido seemed to run on as little sleep as possible and there seemed to be nothing one could do about it. And while there was no need to sleep, it had an obvious effect on your mood and patience.

A sigh escaped Frau's lips and he smiled. _Idiot_, he thought and wanted to run a hand through his hair, but quickly reconsidered. That would only wake Gido. That man's sleep was ridiculously light. Frau pouted at that thought, because somehow he really would have liked to do that now. Ruffle his hair and run a hand over his neck and shoulder. Still, he didn't.

He noticed how the freckles had begun to darken under the warmth of the sun and steaming water. _That_ was also a rare sight. Everywhere on his face and shoulders and arms small brown-reddish spots lit up, like candles on a Christmas tree.

Frau couldn't remember for how long he had sat there in the end, watching him, watching the freckles appear. Lost in thought he almost didn't notice when Gido woke up. Only when said one stretched and rolled over onto his lap. It was then when Frau finally allowed himself to run a hand through his dark, curled hair and he smiled. "Finished your beauty sleep?" he teased

A drowsy smirk crept up the corners of Gido's mouth, as he made himself comfortable. "You tell me..." he mumbled. "Am I pretty enough or do I need to sleep more?" Sighed Gido, stretching his tired muscles with moving as little as possible.

"Pretty enough," Frau replied with a chuckle and placed a kiss on his nose. To which Gido answered with a content sound and closed his eyes.

Gido obviously enjoyed the attention, as Frau kept threading his fingers through his hair and drawing lines over his face. For a moment it even seemed like he would fall back into sleep, but then he opened his eyes, staring at nothing in particular it seemed and Frau couldn't help but to smile at this.

The great, fearsome, short tempered pirate everyone was so afraid was no more than a big cuddle bug. As reputation ruining as it was though, Frau found it highly adorable. "There's something I wanted to ask," Frau said after a while when he was sure Gido was awake enough. The only reply he got though, was a small, deep sound in his throat, stating his attention. "About Ayanami," Frau kept carding his fingers through Gido's hair, noting how the head moved to look at him. Only that his own view was locked onto the weird dragon-fountain-thing. "I need to know what will happen when he dies. When Verloren dies. Someone will have to fill the void, but– " A ton of questions weighed his tongue down, but Frau didn't know where to start. So he decided to wait for Gido's answer.

Frau had thought a great deal about this and he was sure now. Ayanami would die. If Teito planned on overthrowing him there would be a fight. There was no way Ayanami would give up his status that easily. And if not him, then Verloren would probably fight with fangs and claws to retain his comfortable position as chief of staff. Either way they would end up having a unique opportunity to execute Verloren; the empire would only need to know that matters had been dealt with.

When Frau dropped his gaze, he found Gido's stare on himself. The gears in the man's head obviously turning, invisible hands groping for thoughts and ideas. The look in Gido's eyes was awfully familiar and suddenly Frau knew what he was wondering. "No, I'm settled enough. We can talk about this now," he reassured him as best as he could

Gido said nothing, but the look on his face was obvious enough. Frau screwed up his face. "Mood killer. Big time."

"I didn't do anything," Gido complained, mouth slightly twisting into a pout. He was propped up on his arms, so Frau had him on eye level.

"You got that _mother-knows-best-look_," Frau explained, raising his brows. Slowly backing away; just out of reach. "And you better get rid of that, if you wanna get laid at all."

"Wha- I don't have- now you're just being ridiculous."

"Trust me," Frau smirked upon the outburst of obvious outrage. It was amusing to watch him sulk over a small thing like this. But then there was a notable change in the look which lingered on him. The glint darkened in a way that could only be described with – _fuck_. Slowly Frau swallowed. "I'm okay," he insisted. "I don't need to be settled." Now it was his turn to pout. As nice as it was that Gido wanted to make sure that he was okay, there was no need to become overly cautious.

"Understood," Gido said, but he didn't move or change the subject.

Or did Gido need an excuse to sleep with him _that_ bad? Frau dared to doubt it and made a note to ask about that at some point.

Raising a brow in question Frau leaned in again, he was far from against what Gido suggested. But Frau also had enough of Gido feeling the need to mentally prepare him for everything, stabilising him like this. He had spend the last months doing nothing else, trying to grow accustomed to everything and everyone, becoming emotionally settled. So by now he could definitely say he had enough. "Great," Frau crossed his legs. "Then why aren't we talking?" he asked, a playful smile on his lips, pulling away when Gido tried to kiss him.

He gave a peck to his cheek, softly gnawing at the skin. Frau leaned his head against Gido's, closing his eyes; a catlike attempt to snuggle, because there was little reason to push him away after all. "You should get out of the water," Frau muttered.

"I want to fuck you."

Well, _that_ was not the answer called for. A jolt of heat raced through him, made Frau open his eyes and stay perfectly still for a few moments.

"I want to see your pretty face all flushed and your body writhing in pleasure." The words came out in a growl, followed by teeth nipping at his throat.

Up until now what they had had been mostly a quiet understanding with little words. Neither had ever needed to voice their need or want. Outright admitting what both knew they needed had seemed pretty senseless.

So, now hearing it of course had its desired effect. Frau could tell it was desired by the dark glimmer in Gido's eyes. For another moment he closed his eyes, and when he opened them again he caught Gido's stare. There was no doubt, just eager desire. The silent promise of stopping the hollow ache still gnawing at his chest after all these years. Plus the gaping hole Teito had left behind.

Sometimes Frau wondered when it would stop; would it ever stop?

There would be a momentary stop, if he let Gido have his way. He could wrap himself up in the warmth of the moment and the bliss of having every thought ripped from his mind. And with that he accepted his kiss, indulging in it. His motives selfish as ever. Anyhow Gido never made resisting easy. He always seemed to know how to win Frau over. His tricks easy and simple, but effective nonetheless.

Soon enough the smirk Frau had plastered to his lips vanished in a moan and there was little else to focus on than those lips and hands driving him crazy.

And teeth. Gido seemed to have a thing for that, Frau mused with a little smirk by the time he was nicely curled up in the others arms and his breath restored. With his eyes closed one might have thought he was dozing, but Frau was far from tired. Not enough to sleep anyway.

Talking about Ayanami now seemed a bit out of context when Gido was drawing lines and little circles on his back. Then if not now, they would have to talk later about this. Somehow this made him wonder if it had been Gido's plan all along. Frau still remembered how easily Gido had brought Ayanami's face to the surface. Yet he didn't dare to ask for the cause.

With a sudden sigh he rolled onto his back when he stretched himself, groaning quietly. "This was entirely unnecessary, but there's nothing else to object. – Tell me what you know," Frau demanded. There was no way Gido would be getting his way so easily.

There was a moment of silence where Frau tried to make out shapes in what he supposed were clouds, then Gido just cleared his throat. "Try and be more specific..."

Frau managed to heave himself up, rubbing a sore spot on his shoulder. He felt a pleasant ache singing through him, as he tried to gather his thoughts. "What will become of _him_? They're going to execute Verloren, right? So what of his host?"

"I don't know... If there is any part human left of him I would say that one joins us in heaven."

"Well maybe there isn't. Maybe all there ever was, is Verloren," Frau said and wished it to be true. Because then there would be no way for Ayanami to appear up here.

"But if there is..." Gido reminded him. Eyes distant. "You're going to have to live with him up here somehow... I highly doubt Ayanami can go back just like that. As for the church, it depends. It's hidden beneath a cloaking spell, which is why none of the strays approach it. Lifting the spell is fairly easy though, you simply have to be invited by someone. An easy thing for us Ghost's as we all more or less know each other. But Ayanami would need not only someone who knows him, more importantly someone willing to let him in."

A heavy sigh left Frau's lips. There was a near zero chance that anybody would invite Ayanami into their home. That much was obvious, he thought and pulled his legs up to wrap his arms around them. "But then he's still out here." What a dire punishment to spend half of eternity in solitude, Frau thought, hugging his legs. He glanced at Gido.

Not long ago he had reprimanded Teito for still wanting revenge and now he found himself perfectly fine with bestowing his worst nightmare upon his enemy. It shouldn't be so easy, Frau thought to himself, feeling a chill run down his spine. Sometimes it surprised him how easily cruelty came. Yet he also thought that Ayanami deserved this. For killing his brothers and Teito's family, stripping the boy of the life he deserved.

Damn. He couldn't stand this man.

Frau noticed he had been grinding his teeth from the uprising pain in his jaws and quickly unclenched them. Adjusted their position to a more comfortable one. "Then he's just one in a million strays. I could live with that..."

"Some of the others might disagree," Gido remarked quietly. His eyes met Frau's, who looked at him in disbelief and question. The smile which Gido gave him only told of how he had expected yelling at this point. And it _did_ make Frau actually want to yell. It was far from fair how easily Gido could see him through. "The eldest seem to have developed a rather unbiased opinion on things. And while we all understand why you'd rather have him roasting in hell and trust me, you're not the only one, you also have to consider that he deserves the same chance as us."

A _tsk_ escaped Frau's lips. "Same chance my ass! You're right. He can rot in these freakin' gardens for all I care. Better don't dare getting in my sight again. Not after all he's done!"

Ayanami _was_ responsible for his situation after all. Situation, that meaning his death and all. Frau never spoke of it. He suspected that Gido knew either way, with the lake and all... But it was not only his death, it was... Teito loosing his family, him losing Teito, losing Gido... All of it. Ending up in this place reminded him of so many wounds he had tried to forget and Ayanami seemed to be the root of half of them. Verloren to the other half. In a way at least, since some where connected to Zehel, but without Verloren those would have never risen in the first place.

It had been awfully quiet for a while, but Frau barely noticed. Only when Gido spoke again, he realised that there wasn't even a proper bird song surrounding them. Almost disappointing.

"What... What do you plan to do _if_ he _does_ end up here?" The question seemed awfully hesitant. Almost cautious, and Frau wondered why.

"I..." Frau trailed off, realising he wasn't sure about the details of that part. "I'm gonna hurt him." That much was clear for him, although even that felt off. "I don't know..." And with that he dropped back onto the soft grass. "I just don't want him up here. He's done so much damage, he killed so many, killed even..." Frau's voice broke off. "Just to think of him getting anywhere close to... _this_... it... it irks me. Just to think he will be near me and... you and... everyone! I just can't have that. I can't– I'm–" Scared. He thought, but didn't say. Frau had rolled over to his side, head propped up on an elbow.

Loss had lined his life, had decided which paths he would tread. And having Ayanami with them would mean risking even more hurt and that was just not going to happen.

What frightened him when he looked at Gido that there was nothing but understanding. He _knew_. There was no need for detailed explanation, and somehow it let him shiver just slightly. It raised the question of how Gido had come to know this fear, but somehow Frau was sure he didn't exactly want that answer. Yet he felt the small urge to ask rise.

With a heavy sigh Frau managed to sit up again. "This is depressing..." he muttered, mouth twisting.

Absent minded he brushed the petals off. It was still annoying, but he was getting used to it. Which made ignoring them a whole lot easier. But right now they were sticking to his skin and Frau felt great need for a bath to scrub them off. Just like his thoughts about Ayanami. "I need a bath," he grumbled, voicing his need aloud and somehow managed to get to his feet. Slowly Frau staggered towards the hot spring.

Ever since he had become Zehel Frau had grown naturally fond of baths, and warm water in general. Whether awake or asleep Frau could spend hours, soaking in the warmth till even his bones were drenched to dripping. It had never filled the void in his heart, but just like now as he eased himself neck-deep into the water, it was as relaxing for his mind as for his body. Or soul in this case.

For a while Frau simply enjoyed the warmth soaking him through before he picked up a sponge to clean himself. Lost in thought Frau didn't even notice how Gido came to join him. Instinct made him clutch the sponge as he ran it over the shoulder, but Gido only smirked and made no attempt of taking it from him. Still Frau eyed him full of suspicion.

Way too often Gido decided that getting clean was a task for two. Not that was essentially a bad thing, just that it meant that there was little getting clean involved, because way often Gido found way more enjoyable activities for his hands.

It seemed a miracle he was keeping his hands to himself this time. With a sigh Frau ducked under water, the wet warmth enveloping him. If only it had not freaked out every single person ever witnessing it he would have stayed under water for hours; he liked how it felt. The pressure weighing him down, and no sound just a gush of water now and then. The light fractured above his head. – Deciding to stay for another few minutes Frau closed his eyes and leaned back against the stony wall of the pond.

The time spend seemed way too short when he emerged.

A muffled sound of surprise ripped from his throat as Gido leaned in to steal a kiss, but Frau was too surprised and it was over too soon to respond.

"I'll get your back," Gido offered with a smile as he broke the kiss.

For a moment Frau eyed him wearily, but then he merely wrapped his arms around him in a hug. His eyes fell shut as the sponge ran over his back.

It was moments like these when it became as strange as nice to be nearly as tall as Gido. Frau was just not used to getting to lay his head onto someone's shoulder. Especially not Gido's; it had been _so_ long.

A wet hand came up to ruffle Frau's hair. Said one gave a content sound and smiled as Gido chuckled. "Sometimes it's a shame you're not portable anymore."

"No thanks, I'm glad I'm not as short as that damn brat," Frau snorted. Lips pursed into a smile.

"Well... I miss it. Sometimes," Gido admitted softly. One hand he kept running through Frau's hair. "And don't get me wrong. It's good the way it is, and I wouldn't trade that for anything." Frau felt a surge of heat rush to his face at those words and he was glad he could bury it in Gido's shoulder. "But I miss my little boy..." The sigh which followed sounded a tad bit too mournful, but Frau got no time to think about that because Gido lifted him up.

Laughter burst from his lips as he felt the others arms wrapped tightly around him. "Let me down!", he complained half-heartedly as he was carried towards wherever Gido intended to bring him. Most likely out of the water. Frau could feel him stagger every couple steps. "This is ridiculous!" Frau didn't know whether to whine or giggle as he tried to wriggle from his Gido's grasp.

Instead of succeeding he slipped, which caused them to fall over and Frau pulling Gido down in the process. The warm water swallowed them with ease as they crashed into it. Everything went by so fast, Frau barely noticed anything till they were up on their feet again and coughing up water. Gido was laughing in between coughs and grinned.

"What the hell were you thinking! I'm not eight anymore, you can't do that!"

"Watch me", Gido grinned, voice hoarse from coughing. He brushed the bangs out of his face and reached out to grab Frau once more.

This time he backed away. And although he was trying to be mad the disappointed look on Gido's face made him smile a little. "You can't turn back time and make me a little boy again, whenever you like..." He reminded him, crossing his arms.

"I know... "

Both paused and Frau wasn't sure what to say. Sometimes, randomly these topics emerged and everything became twice a weird. Often Frau felt like retreating in those moments. He wanted to distance himself and just not get involved for a while. Till it was over and everything back to normal, only that it never worked because now _this_ was normal.

Their shared past was something not easily ignored, and Frau figured they had to deal with it sooner or later. He cleared his throat, a hand rubbing across his neck. Stopping momentary when he noticed the imprints of teeth on his skin, it made him feel mildly uncomfortable. He was not a boy anymore and this... this just... Every once in a while, like now, it actually felt weird. Not entirely wrong, but a fair share of awkward. Thinking about his previous relationship with Gido it _was_ a fair share. A small voice in his head often told him he was supposed to feel more weird than he actually did. Yet it was easy to dismiss it in the face of kisses stealing his breath like few before.

"You know... I certainly didn't imagine _this_ when I wished you back into my life."

Now, that was _not entirely_ true. Frau had to admit that much to himself, but he was five times too embarrassed about it to say it out loud. All he could hope for was that Gido was as oblivious about this as he hoped he was. Or granted him enough courtesy not to mention it.

Gido smirked, which Frau thought to be a good sign. "Me neither," his answer came with a careless shrug. And Gido came up to rest a hand on the curve of Frau's neck, rubbing a thumb over it.

Did he always have to touch him? Frau wondered, grasping Gido's hand. A small smile on his lips. Gido certainly always had his hands on him. Even if it was only to caress his head or lay it on his shoulder.

"But I can't change the past." It was an ugly realisation and slowly Frau nodded, lowering his glance. Neither of them could and maybe that was for the better. "And maybe I do feel a little obligated to make up for that," Gido admitted and Frau watched his expression. Gido seemed slightly amused by his own thoughts, or maybe Frau's reaction. That he couldn't tell. But it was nice when he smiled and ruffled his hair.

"Do you? I'm not a child anymore?" Frau reminded him, as he folded his arms. Slightly he tilted his head, eyes piercing, yet his voice held a friendly tone. There was even a smile on his lips. "You don't have to treat me like one. You don't have to protect from everything anymore. And I won't ask of you to make up for your decision. I... I would have done the same," Frau quietly admitted. His nod was slow but confidant. "Hell, I _did_ the same!" It had only actually dawned on him them as those words blurted from his mouth.

Of course he had. It was obvious. Dying like that... dying to... Their reasons were so similar. One of reality's cruel jests, Frau thought, lips pressed together to a thin white line. "I don't mind different," he said, voice still bitter from his thoughts before. "You're right. It's good the way it is. And it has been good the way it was... and you don't– " Gido opened his mouth, but Frau cut him off before he could do anything. "No you really don't know how much I wanted it back. How much I would have needed that. But I can deal with that now. I understand now."

"Frau..." Gido's hand ran down his cheek. There was a silent plea in his eyes, asking – what? Patience or forgiveness?

It was only then that Frau noticed how the bitterness still clawed at his expression.

"You can wish it back all you want, but it's not gonna happen. You don't get that. No matter how you need it. – It's just not possible. – Just like I didn't get you back when I would have needed you. Life isn't that generous and neither is Death." Frau's stare hardened when his eyes froze on Gido's. "I'm _not_ a child anymore. I'm not. And you know that as good as I do. You already know you don't get it back and it's fine that you miss, because... _I do too_. I just don't know what you think you need to protect me from, because you don't. Don't protect me, _involve_ me. Let me in." Frau paused his words, swallowing slowly. "Please..." his eyes closed for a moment.

To his surprise Gido smiled when he opened them. It was so terribly forgiving and understand Frau just wanted to... He took a deep breath, clenching his fists, trying calm himself and trying not to punch Gido. Though the latter was really hard.

"Got it," Gido said at last, giving some small relief to the tension welling up inside of Frau. "But do you ever consider that what you ask of me is not easy? I always had to look after you and suddenly I don't. Give me some time at last. It would feel wrong _not_ to do that."

That was a compelling argument.

As much as Frau wanted to yell at him that it was easy after all, he couldn't. It was enough to think of Teito and how hard it had been not to be worried. Never mind the countless times he had told himself how ridiculous it was. Frau bit his lip, chewing on its corner. Why did Gido always have to have an answer for everything?

Frau had a feeling they would never actually solve this, when he sunk back into the water, leaning against one of the stony walls of the spring. His eyes fixed on nothing in particular, but Gido was still in his view. "This is different than before," he stated more calm than he felt. "So make it different. It's weird when you treat me so similar to before."

"I will try to do better," Gido pressed a kiss to his head and smiled. When he sat down next to Frau, said one laid his head onto his shoulder. Almost immediately Gido's hand came up to scratch his head, making Frau close his eyes for a while and give a content sound.

"Would you be okay with Ayanami up here?", Frau asked, but Gido did not answer. So after a while he decided to change the subject, as Gido did not seem to want to give him answer to that. It did make Frau wonder about the reason. "I told you, you don't have to protect me," he pouted.

"It's... not that..." Gido finally said and patted Frau's head, Frau noticed a small smile playing around his lips when he looked up. "Let's not dwell on that, okay?"

Okay it was not, but Frau did not object either, only wondering why Gido seemed so obviously uneasy with this topic.

Frau shifted his position, raising his head to look at Gido and scrutinise him for a long moment. "So how long do you think it will take till you can get back down? Your reason to die was–"

Gido cut him off before he could finish his sentence, "I was already on the verge of death at that point, I don't think it did me any good."

He didn't know what to say to that.

With a sigh, Frau ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes momentarily and shaking his head, though he didn't know about what. The realisation came slowly and when it did it took him a while before he could voice it. "Guess that gives us a few decades, huh?" A smile crept upon his lips when Gido nodded and Frau gave a content hum. For the first time in forever he felt excited, genuinely excited about something, because after all he might just get what he had wanted all along. His heart was thumping notably heavy in his chest when he pressed a kiss to Gido's lip. "That's all I ever asked for..." he muttered against his lips. With a sigh he noticed Gido's smile when he returned the kiss.

His answer was nothing more than a breath on Frau's lips. "Aye, brat." And Frau laughed into his mouth.

"You really got to learn to quit that someday..." he grinned, escaping his lips and nuzzling into his cheek. "Maybe I should teach you not to," Frau murmured with a cheeky grin. His intention written in plain sight across his face, obvious in his voice as well.

"Good luck trying," Gido chuckled. He seemed amused and delighted about Frau's offer.


	5. Family Ties

Here it is! And this time we delve a little into the history of the Verius Family and what Gido knows about their relationship. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Everything was good.

For once in his life, Frau actually dared to be certain of that. Sure, he was dead now and he had lost the love of his life, but death had reunited him with another love of a different kind. And since he was dead now, they both were, this one wouldn't be taken so easily from him.

Frau watched Gido's sleeping face, knowing that he would wake him if he snuggled into his arms: knowing that two _warm_, solid arms would close around him and not let go, but Frau didn't move. As he watched, a sleepy smile played around the corners of his mouth, and for all he knew, Frau felt tired enough to fall back asleep any moment. Except he didn't want to. He wanted to watch some more and just indulge in the fact that Gido was with him and that he had missed Frau and that _everything was okay for once_. With that thought, Frau nuzzled into Gido's arms, closing his eyes and drifting off into sleep again.

He barely noticed the tired hand running through his hair and a quiet mutter of words that didn't make sense anymore as he was falling asleep. But he still noticed Gido's warm breath, the sound of a deep, sleepy voice and the kiss that pressed to his head. It made Frau smile as he fell asleep.

When he woke again the bed was empty, but it wasn't cold and immediately the smile came back to his lips. Frau rolled over onto his stomach, nose buried in the mattress. A sigh escaped his lips and he was about to doze off again when he noticed as someone sat down next to him. And...there was the smell of coffee.

In an instant Frau had opened his eyes and sat up. He hadn't had coffee in what felt like ages. But now Gido's hands where holding one cup filled with the dark, heavenly liquid. Oh God, what he would give for just a sip of it...

When Gido handed him the cup, Frau could nothing do but stare at it for several minutes before he had fully comprehended the situation. It was only then that he started drinking. It was bitter and thick and hot but it warmed his insides in a very pleasant way. With a little sigh leaving his lips, Frau closed his eyes for a moment. Gido had even memorised how he liked his coffee: black, no sugar, no milk, no anything.

Even as a child, Frau had never much liked sweets, though his tolerance had been higher back then. As he had grown older his hunger for anything sweet had rapidly decreased so that by now it was easily sated by a bar of chocolate or a few sugar cubes now and then. Frau wondered whether Gido had remembered this or if it came from watching him through the lake for so long. Either way he was more than glad for it.

"Why do I deserve this treat?" Frau asked with a smile, but all Gido did was smile as well and ruffle his hair. There was another cup in his hands now. This one had a substance of milky brown, he noticed, his smile still visible on half his face. Gido had probably half a dozen sugar cubes in there, he mused. For all Frau lacked in a hunger for candy, Gido seemed to have twice the appetite for it.

It was nice how Gido always messed up his hair; he had done that a lot when Frau had still been a kid. In fact, a lot of people had done that while he had still been a kid, but seldom ever since he had grown to tower above their heads. By then he had been too tall for them to reach him without it being awkward. Back then he had seldom welcomed it, as other hands on his head made him feel a lot smaller than he actually was. Besides, it had been a lot of wordless comfort, which had served particularly well as a reminder of the pain gnawing inside his chest.

Gido probably didn't get his head patted as much as well. At least not as often. The thought and the act that followed made Frau feel a bit childish, but still he reached out to run a hand through Gido's thick, black hair. It slid easy between his fingers when he tousled it, softly scratching his head. Smiling, he noticed how Gido leaned into his touch, so he let his hand rest on the side of Gido's head for a while. Frau's thumb was running lines over the spot next to his eye.

He had been right, he thought as he smiled to himself. "You do know that this lasts only as long as Teito harbours Pandora's Box, don't you?" he mused, running a couple fingers over Gido's forehead. A content sound answered him and Frau took a gulp of his coffee.

Gido was sipping at his own, not answering immediately, but when he did it was with a smile. "I am aware," he said, but Frau could not tell what it meant to him.

Saying he would not go back running to Teito would be a lie, and while most likely Gido had already known that, Frau felt a certain sense of obligation to tell him anyway. He wanted it to be said, so they were clear on this as well.

"Does that mean I shall seize the chance while I still have it?" Gido mused, wondering. Something seemed to lie on his tongue, but he let it rest there as Frau heard no more word from him.

A small chuckle came from his throat and Frau let go of his hair, sliding his hand down to his neck, scratching the soft flesh. "Not exactly. To tell the truth I wouldn't mind, but what you make of this is entirely up to you. I just wanted you to know."

When Gido looked at him again there was a playful edge to his smile, but also a sliver of forgiveness in his eyes. The kind that came from understanding why, and it suddenly reminded Frau of what Gido had told him not all too long ago. "You would do the same, wouldn't you?" He asked, suddenly quiet, and he had to swallow something that seemed stuck in his throat. Why did this feel so far from relief? Frau sighed, trying to smile once again, tried to figure out what Gido was thinking, but the man's face was an unrevealing mask of smiles and rainbows. What the hell... This was so unfair. Gido could see through him in a minute, but to Frau everything about him seemed a mystery no matter how much information he gained.

"I'm not sure..." Gido replied to his surprise. "Not anymore."

"Why?" Frau asked, surprised that he didn't stutter since his insides felt all wobbly suddenly. Hopefully this talk would not go where this suggested it might, because then he might just not know what to do about it.

A deep, heavy sigh escaped Gido's throat and he deflated back into the masses of pillows behind them, his mug set on his stomach so as to not to spill the coffee. "_Stuff_..." he finally said. "A lot of _stuff_... happened. I'm not sure anymore he still is the man I once knew – or thought I knew."

"What... _stuff_?" Apparently that was a question to remain unanswered Frau realised, as after a moment or two still nothing came. "Do you still love him?"

For a long time there came no answer, Gido merely sipped on his coffee, and when he finally did reply all he did was repeat, "I'm not sure." This time Frau put a hand on Gido's knee, squeezing it lightly. "Maybe I get a few more years to figure that out. Maybe we both do."

That puzzled Frau. "Will he die?" he asked in confusion.

"He might. He is, in a way – a different way, a time bomb like your brat, so..."

There was no need to explain; Frau already knew. So instead he leaned back and huddled close to Gido. "Let's hope for years we don't have to deal with it," Gido added with a sigh as he made himself comfortable. Again Frau was puzzled. "Well, I might like to discuss a few things with my boyfriend and I might even need to smack him in the head a few times, but that doesn't mean I explicitly wish for him to throw away his life just to cater the needs of little-old lonely me stuck in heaven."

Attentive, Frau listened, and gave an amused snort at his last remark. "No, for that _I_ am here, of course," he grinned. "But I do see your point." Only that Pandora's Box had no seal to be trusted, and that it might burst open any day and then the shadow would come to devour Teito and probably, most likely, _certainly_ he would escape, and somehow end up here when he died anyway. Otherwise, Frau will have to kick a few asses to get the boy to where he belongs.

If there was anyone who deserved a place up here, in heaven, where everything was okay for once, then it was Teito.

"Be careful what you wish for..." Gido told him quietly and smiled ruefully. As if to answer Frau's confusion he added, "I know what you're thinking of, but... you'll never know what'll happen. Maybe the seal will hold."

Frau's answer consisted only of shaking his head first. There was just no way it would hold the strain, as he had already seen the cracks, and Gido would certainly agree if he had seen them too. Again Frau shook his head. "It's not gonna stand a chance when it happens and it won't hold much longer either. I know Teito will..." he tried, he tried hard but the word would not come from his lips. "I know he will," Frau finally said, his voice thick. "I just don't know whether that makes me happy at all." Although, it would mean they would get to spend more time together. He would get to kiss him and hold him and – God, how he missed it. "Do you ever... miss him?"

To that there was no answer, but Frau thought he could read on the lines of his face that he did. "Tell me more," he insisted, running a hand over his eyes, kneading the bridge of his nose. For the longest time in his life the terms _Gido_ and _relationship_ had never coexisted in a single thought in his mind. Unless it came to Magdalen, and though Gido told of something different, Frau found it troublesome to believe that.

The puzzle pieces in his head rather worked the other way for some reason. Maybe it was because he had a four-letter-name and a pretty smile. Frau sighed to himself, closing his eyes for another bit. Maybe... _Maya_. The name rung no particular bell in his head, only an uncertain feeling of something that had once been familiar. Frau wondered how much more he had forgotten, but did not want to ask. Fear whispered to him that he already knew the answer.

His memory served him most well when it came to finding anything in the replica of the Great Church of the seventh district of the Barsburg Empire. Well, technically, as Gido had told him what seemed so very long ago, the Church downstairs was the replica and this the original – even down to the smallest details, which was kind of scary when he thought too long about it.

His feet had carried him to the empty orphanage and other halls that he only knew full of life, and he had even dared to visit Bastien's chamber, but had regretted that as well. It was all too depressing, and his expectation began to sink lower and lower with each place he visited. There was no familiarity in this.

Of course there were the other Ghost's and Frau even found himself chatting with a few as he made his way around the church, yet they were a scarce population for such a big place.

All seven towers still stood high and proud and Frau guessed that since all former Ghost's were technically alive in this place, none of them would ever come crashing down. It was a comforting thought, since Frau still remembered the trembling feeling of dread at the sight of Vertrag's shattered tower: a life threatening, existential dread. It had always felt like he was able to taste it in the air, like a substance oozing slowly from the shattered stones. _Danger_, it had told him, made his instincts tingle. Even now when he looked at it something was bubbling beneath the surface of his conscience, and although he couldn't put it into words Frau knew it meant nothing good.

It was probably due to the loss of Devaki that he could not tell anymore. Frau had always felt as if she had amplified whatever the image of the shattered tower triggered in him. This now seemed clearer than ever to him.

Strolling through the library Frau did not know what he was looking for, and he didn't realise it until it was staring right in his face. Some strange notion urged him to take the heavy leather-bound book he had stumbled upon into his hands. On the back there was nothing but Zehel's insignia imprinted. At least the cover had some letters. It was written in Raggs, he noticed to his own surprise, furrowing his brows at the faded imprints. What once had been a shiny gold was now only dusty specks of the same colour. It made the words hard to read and Frau found himself running a finger over the imprints.

It was something about the history and lineage of the Verius family, though the title was way more eloquent on that.

Wondering why he even bothered, he walked over to one of the armchairs scattered across the library and leaned back into it. For a while when he had been younger there had been a curious moment where he had wanted to know more about the family that he was – apparently – a part of.

The mere fact that it named itself a sole introduction in the book would usually have been enough for him to put the book down, as reading had never been his favourite pastime. Although, he did happen to like it when Gido was the one reading to him. Then again, he was dead and whatever injuries had affected his body then were gone now. Or so he believed. Rubbing his right eye, more out of habit now, Frau made himself comfortable. Maybe it was the certainty that he would never have to deal with these people again that made him curious now. There was little sympathy in him for the noble, there never had been, and even less after the stories he had heard from Teito. Besides that he saw little point in finding out about things that did not concern him anyway. Technically it did not concern him now either, but somehow he felt drawn to it now. Like there was still a quiet little voice whispering in the back of his mind.

And so he opened the book and began to read.

It didn't exactly date back a thousand years, but the chapters started out with the general titbits of information about Zehel's founding of their family. The tale spun a bit more general when it came to that as it seemed some Ghost's had possessed live bodies while others had chosen a corpse at hand. The living vessels had soon withered away, their minds likewise, leaving nothing but a dead shell. This had led to the conclusion that dead people were the better option. Frau wondered if one could dig that out of the Cuvere somehow, as he was sure it had been noted down by the very first generation. He had always wondered how far back it dated in the first place, but he had never gotten around to figuring it out.

The Ghost's had soon come to understand that power of any kind, mostly religious and political, came to great use when it was to find certain things among the human society, which had lead for them to strive for such. In return this had made them less prone to call out the members of their families on their dirty deeds, as it didn't account well for trying to gain power.

It certainly did explain why all Houses of God seemed to be ruled by old men waging old wars, Frau thought. It also made him wonder what the first deadly tickets might have been. Betrayed wives, bastard sons and daughters, or bankruptcy? Frau would have even laughed, but then he remembered that it wasn't much different now. As if the nobles' problems would only vanish with their whole existence. Or rather when power and wealth would cease to exist, as the name those people gave themselves hardly mattered in the end.

Either way, Frau would not spend a tear for their graves.

As the families had gained power over the centuries, the Verius family had taken up the position of link between the kingdoms and the church. Well, technically it had only been the Ragg's kingdom, but as the Ghost's were a tightly knit family they shared the benefits of that. The concept that their family had built for that purpose was far from flawless though, which was why it had come to a few adjustments over the centuries.

As much as the church required a male regime, so did their family of archdukes.

The concept required two sons, and while the eldest was meant to inherit the title as head of the house it meant little as he was sent to church, striving to become a bishop or pope. And so inherit said title, as it was bound to the pope. Which of course meant that sometimes it went into hands not from the Verius family, but only sometimes. As Frau read through the names listed on the pages, it seemed to him their family had provided a son for each of the last hundred centuries, and each had become a high ranking bishop or pope, though that was probably not true.

With the elder son as a servant of God, it was the task of the second son to become the actual head of the house, as he was the one representing them in the public image and doing all the political work.

Of course, the scheme had seldom worked out properly, and the family had taken up to grant their daughters the choice to keep their title in marriage and become head of the house. Any remaining son would be sent to the church, as to strengthen the bond of friendship which had bloomed between the two parties. Favours were called in and peaceful negotiations between kingdom and church were ensured.

With a sigh Frau let the book drop onto his chest, one hand rubbing his right eye and cursing under his breath. He was dead, so _why_ the hell was this damned thing hurting.

Gido seemed to read the answer on his twisted face. "Some wounds go deep enough for the soul to remember, even in death..."

Frau only groaned, deflating into the armchair. "But I thought..."

"Alas, no..." Gido sighed, rubbing his shoulder and Frau wasn't sure if that was an example or to underline his words. "But it's just a placebo effect; you'll get rid of it over time."

Now that was finally some good news. Frau sighed, stretched himself and sunk back into the chair once more, closing his eyes for a bit.

"What did you read?"

"Hrmm", was all Frau had to offer to that and smirked, when he opened his eyes once more. Though somewhat reluctant he gave the page a dog ear and handed the book over to Gido. "I don't know, I was curious," he replied when Gido eyed him in question, the corners of his mouth still forming a slight grin.

"Marvellous... you didn't die from boredom," Gido answered with a chuckle as he skimmed the pages Frau had read.

More names and places and stories than he ever cared to remember had been mentioned. But the gist of it had been very interesting. Zehel had known quite a bit about their family, but he had not been very talkative when it came to Frau. So for all he knew was that he was a bastard and all these things had been kept from him all his life. This was finally a chance to catch up on everything.

A sudden thought made him chew his lip, studying Gido closely. Had he acted on mere hope when he had bestowed Zehel's fate on him? For all he knew the Ghost's did not have the power to make someone not their blood a vessel, and even if, there was little chance it would last for long. And then there was the fact that he looked quite a bit like Gido.

"You knew didn't you?" Frau had to close his eyes and press the words out between his teeth. "Or at least had a whim it would work... otherwise you wouldn't have given Zehel to me..." A heavy breath dropped from his lips when Frau opened his eyes again. Something inside him wanted him to be angry or feel betrayed or... he didn't even know anymore, only that he couldn't. He knew it all should be there, especially the yelling that Gido seemed to have missed so much, but it wasn't. Instead there was a gaping hole that seemed to have swallowed whatever feelings that should have been bubbling up.

But when Gido opened his mouth to reply, Frau only shook his head. "I don't wanna hear your excuses. Just tell me the truth. Did you know?" His eyes were now fixed on Gido, drilling holes into him.

At first Gido didn't answer and it was almost enough to get Frau angry after all, but before that could happen Gido spoke. "I did know." He seemed to press the words out between his teeth, reluctant to say anything about this matter. "I did know we were somehow related."

Frau shifted in his position, "I promise I won't freak out if you can assure me I'm not screwing my brother or something..."

An amused snort answered him. "I can assure you, you are not screwing your older brother," Gido chuckled and messed up Frau's hair. "I'm sorry I can't tell you anything specific, because I don't know much about this matter either. But you can rest assured that we don't share a parent."

Wondering, Frau eyed the book now placed on the table in front of him. Maybe it would be a good thing after all to read it and try to find out more about their family. _His_ family. Although it didn't quite feel like family, as all these names that were mentioned meant nothing to him. They were strangers to him after all. "But you did know my mother, right? … And my dad?" The words sputtered from his lips even before he had thought the whole idea through. Yet Gido _was_ older than him and Eden _was_ a rather small island. At least not many people lived there. He certainly knew _something_.

"Yeah... I know a thing or two about them," he admitted, which resulted in a bright smile on Frau's face when he turned to face him. Gido had made himself comfortable on the window sill and Frau followed suit, eager to listen to what Gido had to tell him.


	6. Distance

His mother had died when he was three, and Frau didn't remember much about her, much less her voice or her face. The latter he knew from photographs, but even that had hardly rung a bell. He had thought she was pretty, which Frau remembered from when Magdalen had sat him down and showed him the pictures. Frau remembered she had let him keep them, all of them, and he had stuffed them away in one of his hideouts around Eden.

That woman was a stranger to him, although there had been pictures with both of them and Frau had been pretty sure the baby in her arms was him.

He looked nothing like her, not even a little bit. Her hair had been a warm brown and long and soft, while his was short and blond and no matter what he did, rumpled. Some strands always seemed to stick out. Her eyes were of a dark grey, mixed with green; his were blue. Her nose, her lips, her face; she used to claim he was the spitting image of his father, Mag had told him, and for the longest time Frau had believed that. Now... he wasn't so sure anymore.

Yes, they both did have blond hair and blue eyes, but that was it. Though maybe she had been seeing something he never did.

After her death all her things had been packed away, but Frau did remember his father telling him which one of the rooms had been hers. He remembered going through those boxes.

In fact that was all there had ever been, people telling him stories about her that he did not belong in, how much she would have loved him and cared for him. But none of that had brought her back or eased the gaping hole in his chest. At some point the whole concept of having a mother at all had seemed strange to him.

Sure it was nice, and sure, he would have liked that, but he did not have it and he never would. Magdalen had been always very nice to him, but she had not been his mother and her care had been no compensation.

His father was a different story, though not by much in the very end, only that Frau had a much clearer memory of him. Frau remembered his voice and his face and flying around the island when he couldn't sleep. The memories came easily and vivid.

"So you knew them both," Frau's interest had already been captured, but Gido was rarely so talkative when it came to things like this. Gido nodded while Frau made himself comfortable next to him on the window sill. "So?" Unable to figure out what to ask first, or what to ask at all, since he didn't really know either of them, he let the decision fall into Gido's hands.

"Your mother..." Gido scratched his head in thought, chewing on that cigarette holder of his. "She was kind, a free spirit as they come, you got that from her... and your soft spot for children, she was the same" a smile swept across his face. "She looked after me and Mag every now and then. I remember Mag was very excited about her being pregnant. Au– err," Gido stopped dead, smiling, turned his head away, but he didn't explain. "She was busy often, Mag and I had to babysit you then, but whenever she was home you were with her. She spent hours singing to you, carrying you around and talking to you and as long as she did, you were a little angle. As long were on her arms at least..." Gido chuckled lowly. "The stuffed dragon she made you, you were always chewing on its ear and at some point she just gave up repairing it. The thing was as old as you, did you know that?"

Frau shook his head. No, he hadn't, but it made him smile. "Dad told me she was not the most talkative about her family, do you know anything about them?"

"No." Gido sighed, shaking his head. "Alas no... I'm sorry..."

Something about the way he said it seemed strange to Frau, but he couldn't put his finger on it so he didn't say anything.

There was a moment of silence where Frau's head dropped against the warm window and he closed his eyes.

"You were the most important thing in her life, that much I know for sure," Frau opened his eyes a bit when Gido spoke, and ran a hand through his hair. It all seemed so surreal, but at the same time it was heart-warming. "I'm sorry I don't remember much more."

"You're trying..." Frau admitted quietly. "And you're not repeating the same old phrases like everyone always did. That's enough." And it really was. "So what about my dad?"

"Mick...?" The name rolled of Gido's tongue with a sigh, but the smile on his face was rather fond. Frau found himself slightly paralysed by the name he had not heard for so long. "Oh...", Gido seemed to notice, "that's right. Your mum gave you his name..."

"It's just weird hearing it after all this time..." Frau tried to smile as he ran a hand over his face. "Keep going."

"Mikosh, that's his full name, and Clarice was your mothers... I actually knew Mikosh a lot better, due to... circumstances. He helped me cope with a lot and also when I became leader of the islands' pirates. He was a good guy, had his heart in the right spot. He tried his best to be there for you and never be gone too long. And when he was gone all I ever heard was Mick, Mick, Mick. I bet you, he would have taken you with him if there had been a chance." A small chuckle left his lips. "One of the best pilots I ever knew... He was a great captain, and he taught you right. I hadn't seen you in years, but you got so upset at the bar back then. I saw you, but I heard him talking."

"Gido... Gido..." He had been repeating his name until Gido's words had trailed off and he was listening. Frau closed his eyes once more, shifted in his position a little. Some small voice told him this would hurt a lot, but he wanted to know. "What happened? I mean... how did they... nobody ever told me." Not that anyone ever had a chance to in the end. But for all he knew they were dead and they wouldn't come back home and that was not enough anymore. How had it happened?

A long moment of silence followed and Frau could tell from the look in Gido's eyes that he was contemplating _again_ how much he could take. "I deserve to know, don't you think," Frau insisted grimly. "Tell me!" There was no need to settle him first.

Something sad and equally painful seemed to flicker across Gido's expression before he began to speak. "I don't know what exactly killed your mum, but I understand as much as that it was some kind of disease..." Gido paused for a moment, seemed to swallow on something. "About your father, well... that was an unfortunate encounter with some asshole that I should have finished off when I still could. The guy that led the sky pirates before me isn't exactly the one you want to meet in a dark alley at night, and he was drunk and angry and I don't exactly know what happened, but I know that it ended with his death. As well as... that there was little chance to prevent that. I'm sorry, I wish I could have done something... But I wasn't there."

Something yelled at him not to ask. "What are you not telling me..." And when Gido tried to quiet him, shaking his head Frau only urged on. "What. Are you. Not. Telling. Me," he repeated, eyes fixed on Gido, hands almost clenched.

"You don't–"

"I _do_ want to know!"

"No..." Gido got up, shaking his head. Frau grabbed his arm to pull him close again, but Gido struggled to get away. "Let go!"

"I won't unless you tell me. I'm sick of everyone only telling me half-truths!"

"And I'm sick of you not knowing when to stop prying. When will you understand that there are some things you're _better off not knowing_!" Gido blurted out. Angry and... there was pain in his voice.

The words were harsh and they hurt and for a moment Frau was shocked, but not enough to retreat. He had spent all his childhood yelling back and forth with Gido, so his voice, however loud, did not scare him. "I don't care," Frau felt like his voice shouldn't be this calm and sure. There had been few times he had seen Gido this upset about his constant questions. The flicker of pain had returned as well, and it was no flicker anymore, it was clearly visible on his face. "What is it, what are you not telling me...?" he asked again, more careful this time, squeezing Gido's hand.

"Please don't..."

_But not this time_, Frau thought, the grip on Gido's hand tightening, his eyes boring holes into him.

Gido swallowed, grimly shaking his head again, but Frau would not let go, and when he finally gave in he seemed at a loss of words at first. "Whenever... whenever I think about..." his voice cracked. For a moment nothing came and Gido was just opening and closing his mouth again and again, his eyes quietly telling him just to stop. "I had to get something from the store and then head home, and I didn't even have to open the door to... I heard you crying." Gido closed his eyes, swallowing again on something that seemed stuck in his throat. "You were next to her... and she was lying there, dead and I knew that even before I was sure, and you were crying and you wouldn't stop and God knows how long you'd been sitting there and I couldn't make you understand what happened and that it was going to be okay again. All you were doing was crying and you were asking me to make her get up, to make her wake up and I couldn't do that, and just thinking about it... _hurts_ because I couldn't stay and I knew your dad wouldn't stay for long either and in that moment I hated myself for knowing that he would go because of me. You didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve any of that, and I just wish I could have done something..."

Breathing felt unspeakably hard when Gido stopped talking and Frau had to swallow a few times, take a few deep breaths before he could even start thinking clearly again. He had been so right. Gido had been so right, he hadn't wanted to know that.

"You should have had it better. You shouldn't have to suffer... That was always the plan."

"Well it didn't work out!" Frau wanted to yell at him, but it only came out broken and exhausted. "Nobody was ever there for me until you came. And then you... _you_ were gone too..." Something tightened in his throat.

"I'm sorry..."

"That doesn't even cover it..." Frau said, his voice thick with old pain. It was all coming back, and when Frau realised he was staring at Gido's hand it sickened him. _God no_, was all he could think, before pushing as much as possible back down as he locked it up. "I was... so alone... I missed you so much." The words were not meant to come out, but they did anyway.

It was good when Gido came close again to wrap him up in his arms and to run a hand through his hair, because Frau didn't want to think about Gido being gone or anything else but what was going on here. Some tears were forcing their way out of his eyes, and Frau stubborn blinked them away and ignored them. "Just don't go anywhere..." he muttered, his face buried in Gido's shirt. The other answered something quietly into his hair, because that's where he had buried his face.

For the longest time Frau didn't even realise how hard he had been clinging to Gido, trying to swallow everything that was forcing its way up, pushing and locking it away once more. It was over now; Gido was here and he wouldn't go. He was carding his hand through Frau's hair like he used to. He was warm and he had a heartbeat and that was even more than he had ever asked for. Slowly, Frau began to loosen the grip of his hands.

In the end Frau had no recollection of how long he had sat there, hands clutched into Gido's shirt, breathing in his scent and finally feeling somewhat okay again. The pain was still there, but it was only a dull ache now, something easily ignored.

Suddenly something else came to his mind. "You said... home?", Frau asked quietly, daring to look up at him. "You lived with us...?"

"Hmm... yeah, though I spent a lot of time over at Mag's place," Gido answered, smiling softly and brushing a thumb over his cheek. "But yeah, it was home. Having you around, that was what made it feel like home."

Frau didn't need any more words, all he did was snuggle happily into Gido's shirt and close his eyes, while Gido kept running a hand through his hair. All he could manage to mutter in the end was, "you too." It was what he had always felt, even as a kid, in which anywhere with Gido had been home. And when he had left, Frau had missed it and that was how you knew it was home, wasn't it? Missing it when it was gone and wanting it back.

It was a bright sunny day when it happened and Frau thought the sun was betraying the grim nature of the matter. He had overslept the matter itself, as the deed had been done at night and now they presented him with the result.

To Frau it seemed almost surreal that Ayanami should be dead, that he should be actually up here. But they assured him he was, and Gido had this constant sorry look on his face. And however much Frau asked there was no answer to the cause of it.

And for once in all the time he had been here Frau wished Gido would actually take time to settle him down. He craved proximity. Strangely enough, Gido held him at an arm's length, telling him in that deep calm voice what had happened and how matters were now. And Frau just couldn't believe it. How could Ayanami have made it up here? Or had it been two souls after all and whatever was left of his human side had now escaped?

"We're keeping him away from everyone for a while, so we all can adjust to the situation," Gido told him and Frau wanted to yell at him that he sounded way too calm. There was a sheer endless moment of silence. "But I can bring you to him, if you want to."

It was only now that Frau noticed he was shaking and no, _no_, no he did not want to see Ayanami. Not now, not ever. Why was he even here? It was beyond his comprehension because it shouldn't have happened, and finally Gido closed his arms around him and held him tight. Burying his face in Gido's clothes, Frau took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent, the leather and smoke and slowly, _slowly_, he felt like he was calming down again. "You're not telling me everything are you?" Frau muttered, half guessing the matter. Gido pressed a kiss to his head, and it was nice, but he did not really notice.

"Everything at its time," Gido merely said and Frau felt his grip tightening for a moment, and after another while one of his hands started running circles across his back.

Frau had no clue how long he let Gido soothe him, standing there with his face buried in his coat and finally beginning to feel calm again. It was only then when he remembered to move again. Apparently Gido had waited for him to calm down, because there was definitely more going on, and for a moment Frau just scrunched up his face. _Oh no_, there _was_ more. Frau felt like he was only realising that now. He didn't want there to be more. All he wanted was for Gido to stay with him and keep him calm.

Strangely, Gido chuckled. "You will like this," he promised with a soft smile.

"No, I won't," Frau complained without knowing what they were talking about.

But Gido shook his head. "I've got a surprise for you and you'll love it... I know it." A little, reassuring smile sat on Gido's lips and as much as Frau wanted to trust him, he found it quite hard right now. What the hell should be good about Ayanami being dead and stuck up here? There was nothing he could imagine that Gido could do to make it up to him.

Growling quietly, Frau followed when Gido urged him to come along. It only became amusing for a small bit when he remembered that it had been a lot like this when he had been younger. Gido had always put all his efforts into getting anywhere, but Frau had only repaid him with grumpiness. "Where are we going?" he asked, but there was no answer, and Gido merely kept dragging him through another corridor. What the hell was he planning to do with him... The longer this went on the weirder it got.

"Here we are," Gido smiled and pointed at a door. They were close to the bishop quarters, Frau realised, and not even too far from his own room. Actually, he realised almost belatedly, they was right next to his. With questions in his eye he looked at Gido, scrutinising him, wondering what the hell this was going to be. "Come on, go inside," Gido urged him on, giving him a little shove towards the door. "For me?" This was definitely a plea.

"God dammit!" Frau rolled his eyes. "Alright... just stop begging like that." At that Gido only beamed and Frau felt his eyes on him as he slowly approached the door and went inside. "But if this is some sick joke I swear I'll make you regret it later!" he said, turning his head towards the man behind him who was still beaming like mad.

The door slowly fell shut behind him, though Frau barely noticed it when he saw what Gido had definitely wanted him to see. But it felt as surreal as when he had heard of Ayanami's arrival. This just couldn't be. No, it wasn't true. That _goddamn_– He wasn't– Pressing his lips together Frau bit back whatever the thing stuck in his throat was. It felt like a sob, or something dangerously close. "You goddamn brat, what's so hard about not dying..." Towards the end Frau felt his voice breaking away because the stupid brat was smiling and a moment later he had him in his arms and that just wasn't true. Only that it was and it felt so damn good.

Frau's heart was skipping beats way too fast when he closed his arms around the slender figure. _Oh God_, he was warm and solid and just a real as Gido had been. And that was as tragic as it was comforting, and actually made him feel quite conflicted because Frau surely did not want Teito to be dead. But here he was. _God_ it felt good getting to hold him again and Frau wouldn't trade that for anything, he realised.

"You've grown..." Frau noticed, smiling to himself. He had sunk to his knees, holding Teito tight with his face buried somewhere in his chest.

Teito was laughing, "yeah..." And crying. Frau could hear it in his voice, so he kept hugging him. "Are you... okay? I- I never thought I'd..."

"I am. I'm here. I won't leave," Frau reassured him without thinking twice. Face still buried in his clothes. That damn brat had definitely grown, not too much, but definitely a bit. A heavy sigh escaped Frau's lips when he dared to look up. "It's good to see you, you stupid kid," he muttered.

There was a weak smile on Teito's lips. "I'm no kid, you idiot," he started to complain, but was already close to sobbing. He was crying soon enough when Frau wrapped him up in his arms and held him close. He was muttering soft little words and stroking his back in slow circles and through all this distress Frau found himself smiling, with every kiss he placed on his head, on his face, and lastly on his lips. He tasted salt and what was solely Teito and smiled against his lips. "I missed you, brat," Frau muttered. "And I love you... and I should have told you way earlier..."

Teito smiled, it transforming soon into a smirk, and instead of forming any words with his mouth he pushed Frau onto his back and kissed him hard, until they were both out of breath and blushing. "I know..." Teito muttered at last, "I know. I love you too..."

And at that Frau had to run a hand over his face and curse Gido under his breath, because he didn't know whether to cry or laugh when he realised that Gido had been right all over again. Although this lesson had been unspoken, but he had been right. Nothing was lost after all. It would get better after all. Even with Ayanami around now, it would be fine. Frau smiled, running a hand through his hair and hugging him. "It gets better now..." he said quietly and he didn't quite know whether that was for him or for Teito, but he felt him nodding against his chest.

He had forgotten about Gido, probably still standing by the door, but Frau hoped he was not because he wasn't likely to come out of here for a very long time.

* * *

Here it is!

A few pieces of information about the Teito and Frau part now: There is in fact a short part of the story where their relationship is important, by name the two months that Teito spends in heaven before he will be reborn. And probably a while after that two, since the fic I based this one has two prequels, if you want to think of them as that, about their relationship and I do want to give that aspect it's time and place. Frau will not simply forget about him just because there's Gido and he spent some time and shared a bed with him. It's all not that simple and I won't just shove something this big and important for Frau aside for a sake a single ship. Not happening. In fact I can already tell you that we will encounter someone important from Gido's past as well and that that will play out way more complicated than with Teito and Frau and just... really... I know this is a popular ship in this fandom, so I really don't want to lead anyone astray with their hopes. Yet it will play a part and only a part. Simple as that.

I hope you enjoyed this one though! And those that will come in the future!


	7. Cause Specific

Hi everyone!

So, as you will notice, this chapter is from Gido's view. Why is it from Gido's view you certainly want to know, well the answer is Gido is a little lying shit who knows more than he admits. There are just some things you will only find out by reading his pov and since some of these things are essential for the story, it would be way too confusing and boring to wait for Frau to figure it out. So I decided to give you Gido's view instead and so, from time to time, whenever I feel it's necessary, I will revert to it. Anyhow the majority of chapters will still be from Frau's pov, no need to worry about that.

I hope you'll enjoy this one just as much as the others!

* * *

**Gido**

"I'm not going to do it," Gido shook his head, drawing the last breath from his cigarette before squashing it with his heel. He felt like he needed much more than just a couple of cigarettes, but this was all he wanted to show them of his uneasiness. Mostly, it was because if they figured out how he really felt about all this, they would probably end up sending someone else and that... that would just be a mess. Still, he tried to talk them out of it. Little did he know that they just didn't care.

"He will listen to you, won't he?" The old man stared holes into him, and Gido couldn't stand it. Sometimes he wondered if the man before him had actually lived to die of old age, had decided on his own to take this form, or really had just aged in the process of hundreds of years in human history, watching them up here. However it was, his presence made Gido feel quite uncomfortable for reasons he didn't want to think about. "And he will do as you say?"

"Most likely..." Gido kept rubbing his cigarette into the stony ground, almost absent-mindedly. "But I'm not going to do it."

"It has already been decided by the council," the stern old face told him, and Gido felt like the man knew perfectly well what his piercing eyes pulled out from the depths of his mind. "_He_ will be brought here and _you_ will be the deliverer."

"And _why_ me?" Gido complained, obviously frustrated with the whole situation.

"Well, you can... can't you, Kor-child?" The knowing smirk upon that man's face when he cringed upon hearing that word made Gido want to punch him very, very badly.

But he never got to follow his thoughts through, because by the time he felt capable of moving again, the man had already disappeared, leaving Gido to relentlessly mutter curses under his breath instead.

Gido sighed to himself, running a hand over his face. It was the middle of the night and everyone, well most of everyone around here, was asleep. Frau was asleep and maybe that was for the best. Would they even bother if he ignored their wishes? Probably.

Most likely.

It was one of those rare nights where he really, actually, wished to be in bed, and the feeling was sickening.

They had not dragged him out of bed per se, but Gido had barely managed to keep them away from Frau.

With another heavy sigh Gido leaned into the door frame, watched the slow and steady movement of Frau's chest. Frau could probably oversleep the destruction of anything and everything around him, Gido mused with a small chuckle, and then he walked over. He was crouching by the bedside, wondering what he should do. Whatever little common sense he had left screamed at him to stay, because whatever would follow if he did obey, certainly did no good. More, it would do Frau no good and that was enough for him when it came down to it.

Yet he found himself pressing a kiss to Frau's head and whispering, "sleep well," when he pushed away a few strands of blond hair.

On his way out Gido told himself that it would be easier to keep things at bay this way, but who the hell did he think he was trying to kid with that? It was a selfish deed and would only make everything a whole lot more complicated.

Quietly, Gido let the church gate close behind him, carefully eyeing the towers and walls, knowing that they were watching. Quickly he walked away, pretending to know where to go, but the truth was he had yet to figure it out. When Gido reached a small group of trees he hid under their evergreen, blooming, canopy. For a moment he allowed himself to lean back and rest, listening carefully to the sounds around him. The birds had gone to sleep, except for a few exotic types and clearly some that did not even exist downstairs. But overall it was a peacefully quiet, rarely disturbed by a few chirps.

He had sat down in the soft grass, listening to the faint drumming of darkness. It had always been less of a feeling, than a sound. A drumming, a pounding in his head that would just not go away. Some sounds were deep and dark, some were high enough to be so bright they would blind his mind. It was never pleasant either way, but Gido had learned to live with it. When he had been a kid, it had been much scarier. By now he was more than often able to ignore it. Right now though...

Gido ran a hand over his face, realising he had been heading in the wrong direction. From here it would be impossible to locate anything. So he got up and started walking again.

How others perceived this world Gido wasn't sure, but he suspected that its borders were much clearer to him than to most of the others. It was less likely to get lost when you had a sense of direction, and Gido had taught himself a few tricks to manage that. The church was far behind him by the time the drumming became more apparent. He wasn't even close to the lake or the hot springs, and the gardens were growing wilder and thicker in these parts.

The air was growing vibrant with darkness, so if he had walked on Gido was sure at some point he would have been able to taste it on his tongue. A shudder ran through him. He certainly didn't like these parts, even less by night anyway. Branches cracked under his boots now and then, but for the most part the soft ground swallowed his steps.

It was only when he heard their voices that Gido stopped trying to figure out what he was sensing and just listened. Someone was arguing, complaining at least. _How curious_, he thought as he approached a clearing in the unkempt, overgrowing mess of gardens this was. Some part of him wanted to call out a name, but somehow the act seemed foolish to him.

Suddenly, something bumped into him.

Some_one_ had bumped into him, Gido realised when he looked down.

Tiashe's mouth was twisting and he was rubbing his head. "Who the hell–" the boy stopped dead in his tracks when he looked up and saw Gido's face. "Zehel?", his voice a breath. So he remembered him, Gido thought, and he decided to value this as a good sign.

"You're not who I was looking for," Gido stated though, averting his eyes rather quickly. _God almighty,_ this kid was brimming with light and Gido could only stare for a few moments. It all seemed too surreal. Maybe he was dreaming, he wondered, or maybe he had gone to bed after all and was only dreaming this whole situation. His eyes skimmed the area. "Are you alone?"

"Well, I wasn't until a minute ago!"

Gido watched Tiashe scurry around searching for someone...or something? Maybe his dragon. No, not that. Ayanami was here, he knew it. It was that fingers-creeping-down-your-spine chill. "Over there," Gido turned his head towards a dark corner not far from them. No light reached between the shrubs and trees there, but Gido knew anyway. "Come out, no harm will come to you," he called and wondered why his voice was so calm. It did not feel right when his insides felt like they were all jumbled up. Maybe it was a good thing Tiashe had died as well, this way he had something to concentrate on.

Leaves rustled when Ayanami quietly emerged from the shadows. There was no sign of recognition on his face, but Gido was sure it was there. So he merely squinted his eyes for a moment trying to find the small twitch of his mouth or eye. It was not there.

Of course not, it never seemed to there.

It was hard to describe what exactly Ayanami was radiating. Being exposed to his soul alone amplified what he had always felt as well and suddenly Gido didn't feel so used to it anymore. What he knew was that it was dark and dooming and bottomless _and hungry_. And unlike anything else it was not a mere echo of darkness simply stating it was there, but that it had its own voice, its own existence. It was talking back and having a staring contest with whatever it seemed to see in Gido.

Only when Tiashe spoke did Gido snap out of it.

"What's going on? Why are you looking for him?"

Gido kept boring holes into Ayanami. It was unpleasant, but he was not scared and he knew that he would get used to it once more, with time of course. It took him a while to realise that he did not feel calm but rather confused, uncertain what to feel at all, but certain to not let anything through at this moment. There were other things to focus on as well.

"You were not supposed to die..." Gido had started chewing on his cigarette holder, slowly averting his gaze and eyeing Tiashe. "What happened?"

Tiashe shifted in his position, pushing Gido's hand from his head. Then he eyed Ayanami, and then looked back to Gido once more. His look was cool, calculating. "You can trust me," Gido assured him. "I'm here, it seems, to collect both of you."

"Why?" Tiashe eyed him with curiosity and suspicion.

"Because we obviously can't have Verloren running around heaven, can we? And neither should you stay here..." Gido paused for a moment, and then his gaze softened. Frau would be more than happy to see him, he thought.

"What is it?" Tiashe asked, curiously eyeing him.

"You'll see..." Gido merely responded with a smile. "C'mon," he motioned them to follow him. "Both of you. This is no place to stay and I have only tonight to bring you in. Your questions will be answered in time." To his own surprise, neither of them argued and they followed willingly shortly thereafter. Tiashe was walking only a few steps behind, apparently brooding over something, but Ayanami was keeping a safe distance and Gido found himself glancing over his shoulder now and then to check back.

It was early morning when Gido reached the church with Tiashe and Ayanami quietly tagging along. The silver linings were vanishing into purple and soon red, orange, and yellow as the sun went up. However, it was hard to actually see a sun around here, as it was more like a colour gradient that matched common daytime.

Nobody was up at these hours, and if they were they did not frequent the yard. Frankly, Gido did not care much if anyone saw him right now, though he certainly did not want to talk to anyone right now.

The five men of the self-proclaimed council were sitting under a tree playing chess when Gido arrived. Although neither of them said a thing Gido could read in their smug faces how pleased they were with him.

He wanted to punch them for it.

"So the prodigal son has returned," one said smiling and another chuckled. Gido ignored it. "But you've brought more than one sheep."

"The boy happened to be with him," Gido stated crisply, avoiding their gazes. "I figured it would be best to bring him in as well."

"You made the right decision" a young man with hair just as dishevelled as Frau's replied, his smile bright and happy. "Very well, leave the abomination to us and you can bring the boy away." A smirk, that made not punching him very hard, lined the man's face.

"No, I'll take care of both of them. Just tell me where to bring him," Gido said folding his arms.

For a long time the men just stared at him, contemplating and sometimes exchanging short glances. "Very well..." the old man said at last. One of the younger ones handed a key to Gido, and it was heavy and cold in his hand. "Bring him to the quarters near the tower. As for the boy, it is entirely up to you."

"Very well indeed," Gido smiled, but there was nothing happy or carefree about it. "Come," he said, turning to usher Tiashe away. Ayanami still kept his distance. He had considered dropping Tiashe off somewhere, but that would most likely result in the brat running off, and searching the whole goddamn church for him was something Gido did not want to do this early in the morning.

Everything was quiet as they crossed the yard and headed towards Vertrag's tower. Although intact in this world, something dark seemed to be looming above it. Even the others were uncomfortable in its presence.

Going by Ayanami's expression he did not seem to mind, but then again hardly anything could ever be read off that stoic mask on his face.

The air seemed cold as they entered the building right next to it, and Gido led Ayanami to one of the chambers. It was quite comfortable for an esteemed prisoner. "You will not leave," Gido told him quietly as he fastened a set of cuffs around Ayanami's wrists. The chain connecting them left just enough range to move his arms a little. "You will not so much as breath unless you are told to," Gido said, ignoring Ayanami's stare.

"So where are we going now?" Tiashe's words seemed to come from far away when Gido left the building with Ayanami inside, locked safely in his room, behind. "Gido!"

"You're taking this whole thing surprisingly calmly, kid..." Gido stated, not sure whether to be amused by it. "You're dead and you've just locked up your arch enemy who's also your uncle in what seems to be a replica of the church you fled from months ago."

"I knew I was going to die," the words bounced flat to the floor, heavy with emotion. "Sooner or later, the seal wouldn't hold. I was prepared for that. And since Ayanami has been dealt with you will now answer my questions."

What determination. Gido smiled and fished a cigarette out of his pocket. "Oh, will I?" he mused and lit his cigarette. Where the hell did these brats always take such certainty from? "How come you're so certain?" he muttered, more to himself though when he drew a deep breath of blue smoke. There was, of course, no answer.

"And we both know there's only one thing I want to know," Tiashe said, folding his arms and blocking his way. "Where's Frau?" There was cold-blooded determination in his eyes that told Gido he would go through anybody to get Frau back. It was strangely heart-warming to see that Frau meant so much to him.

At first he was surprised, and Gido had hoped to prevent the boy from jumping at Frau the minute he entered the church by just not mentioning him. Apparently though, Tiashe had only waited for an opportunity; at last Gido smiled. "Asleep and safe", he said. "And I would like to keep it that way for another while..."

"But–"

"Do you really think you're the only one who's had it rough these last months?"

"But–"

"He's not aware that Ayanami is here. Much less that _you're dead_."

"But–!"

"I will tell him, when I think he can take it. Until then you will lay low, understood?"

There was a moment of silence where Tiashe was quietly fuming, probably countless arguments forming on his lips, and Gido was surprised that he managed to keep all of them to himself.

"_Tsk_," the boy turned his head away. "Alright..."

Gido sighed to himself, running a hand through his hair and glad that he'd never had to deal with Frau at that age. "Come on... we'll get you something to eat and then we can talk and later you can see Frau, does that sound good?" A small smile appeared on his lips when he offered a hand to Tiashe. Of course he didn't take it, but he followed along when Gido led him to the kitchen.

At this hour there was rarely anyone awake so the place was empty, and they found themselves alone in the big rooms. When he glanced at Tiashe there was a sad glint in his eyes for a moment. Gido wondered where it came from, but before he could ask it was gone. "So... what's on your mind?" Gido asked as they decided on what to have for breakfast.

"Why the hell does this place look like the great church!?" Tiashe blurted out.

_Oh boy_, Gido thought with a smirk. That question really seemed to gnaw at him. "Not sure..." he said, as they collected everything they needed. "Only that this one must have been here first, I'm rather sure that the one downstairs is the actual replica. Maybe it's because the one downstairs is considered the residence of the Ghosts?"

"Why?" Tiashe asked. Neither of them were particularly hungry, so breakfast was organised rather easily. "This could be a replica likewise."

"Just a hunch," Gido smirked, and then followed by taking a bite of his food, falling silent as he chewed. A rather big hunch, he thought to himself. Especially when you knew for certain that the great church of Barsburg had not been there from day one of the Ghost's arrival. They had most likely rebuilt it from memory. And their memory was splendid, just to mention it. "What else?"

"Do all Ghost's come here?"

"Most do... sometimes we've got trouble finding someone, and then it takes time. That or they just don't stay..." Tiashe blinked in confusion, so Gido explained. "Sometimes, though rarely, it happens that the hosts don't take it all too well with what happens to them. There are those who don't accept their own existence... Although I've been told it's been long since we had that. Everyone else usually stays until they can go down again."

Tiashe listened, quietly munching on his breakfast. And when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and cautious. "Is he okay? Frau I mean... you said..."

Was Frau okay? Good question, Gido thought. He was wondering that way too often himself. Sometimes he clearly seemed not okay, but even then he wouldn't talk about it. Though having Tiashe back would certainly heal some of these wounds, wouldn't it? "As good as he can be...", Gido said at last and smiled thinly. It was as close to the truth as he allowed himself to get.

Tiashe huffed.

"I wish I could I tell you what's been going on in that brat's head." The words rolled off as easy as ever off his tongue, but it felt strange. Frau certainly wasn't some kid anymore, yet it served well to distance himself. And distance was the exact thing he needed, Gido thought as he sipped on his coffee. "He's better than when I picked him up," he then added and tried to ignore his revolting stomach. This was no time to have Ayanami crawl back into his mind. "I'm sure it will do him good to see you," the smile crept back onto his lips and spread onto Tiashe's.

They spent their time eating in silence and by the time they left the kitchen the other Ghost's where slowly starting to crawl out of their holes.

"Who were these men?" Tiashe asked, trying to keep Gido's pace. There was no need to tell him where they were going, as the boy knew most likely where already. "Those you brought me and Ayanami to?"

"They're our self-proclaimed council," Gido replied, tugging at the fur covering his wrists. "They're the oldest here, so they are the ones who make the big decisions... They are the ones who decided Ayanami should stay with us, as well."

"And you never question it?" Tiashe asked.

Gido shook his head. "Some do, most don't. We rarely ever need their council but all-in-all it is quite wise to have someone to make the final decision. Consider that our own history makes us prone for heated arguments. We all value different things as more important. So maybe it is for the best that we have them."

Tiashe muttered some phrase of understanding and trudged along to his step. "But one thing is still bothering me..."

"And that would be?"

"Why was Ayanami with me? He's Verloren, right? He shouldn't be allowed in this place... It just... it doesn't make any sense," he shook his head.

Gido agreed in silence. No, it didn't. Ayanami should not have been allowed so much as near this world _unharmed_. _No... Verloren..._ Gido corrected himself. _Verloren..._ How strange. He had always thought of them as two, but as it seemed now there was only one. He could tell from the darkness that was almost literally oozing from his soul. So all he said when he finally spoke was, "I wish I could tell..."

To that, Tiashe didn't answer.

Delivering Tiashe to the bishop quarters and Fea's care had been fairly easy, and it also ensured that the brat wouldn't go off running. Now all that was left was to inform Frau. With a sigh Gido ran a hand over his face and through his hair. What a bother... Would it have been so bad to leave Ayanami where he was? Then again Gido wasn't sure if this had made anything any better or not.

Across the yard he noticed Tamika and waved, and she followed suit and smiled. For a moment Gido watched her, wondering if he should walk over, but decided not to. Instead he went back to his own room to look after Frau, who was, to no surprise, still asleep. Sometimes Gido envied his ability to sleep through anything.

He should wake him, Gido thought, that much was clear. Just... how? There was no way he could crawl next to him in bed, and no way kissing him awake would be the appropriate method. No way Frau would get anything of what he liked so much to wake up to today. Even as he reached out, Gido stopped himself. The expression on Frau's face was so peaceful, there was not even the slightest hint of the mischief that hid with a glimmer in his eyes, and he couldn't bring himself to disturb that.

He couldn't wake him just now. Reality would catch up on them soon enough. Something inside him urged him to crawl back into bed and bury his face in Frau's back, to just inhale his scent that had become so familiar in the last months. But that would be unfair; Frau had said so himself after all. This all would be over once Tiashe was dead and they would go back to what...? There was nothing to go back to... _Ayanami_.

No, Gido quickly shook his head. He didn't want to think about this now, and Frau certainly didn't deserve to suffer because of this. Absentmindedly, Gido picked up a book from the table and made himself comfortable on the cushioned window sill. And though he tried to read, he couldn't bring himself to focus on the letters in front his eyes. His thoughts kept spinning as his head thumped against the window. He left Frau to sleep, trying hard not to think about the things that were weighing down his tongue and mind.

It did not matter. It _did not_ matter. Gido couldn't remember when that had become his mantra, but it certainly was no good when there was no distraction at hand. Frau always thought that he did it all for him, that he thought of him as the one in need of distraction, but in reality Gido was very glad that Frau never even suspected it to be the other way around.

When Frau awoke it was midday and Gido had nearly frozen in his position on the window sill, ignoring the pain humming through his body. It had become uncomfortable, but he had not found the strength to get up, or rather he had not found the strength to get up and not lay down next to Frau. For once it would have been really nice to just do that and wait for him to wake up and run a hand through his hair and doze every now and then just to enjoy the blissful quiet. But that seemed extremely unfair and selfish to him with Tiashe on board.

Only as Frau was attempting to get out of bed did Gido manage to heave himself off the window sill and walk towards him. For a moment he just watched Frau, rubbing his eyes and yawning and smiling up at him. Gido smiled back, running a hand through Frau's blond hair, but he could not lie. He had to tell him, and he had to tell him now.

"What's wrong?" Frau asked when Gido crouched in front of him.

Now Gido had to look up at him, but when Frau had been a kid it had brought them on eye-level in a position like this. More or less at least. "Ayanami... is here..." Gido's voice was quiet when he spoke and he took Frau's hands, just like he would back then, and squeezed them softly. For a while Frau didn't answer, instead playing with his fingers like he used to, Gido assumed he was thinking. There sat a sigh on his tongue as he noticed that Frau didn't seem to take this well. But there was nothing he could do, it was done and... he could have refused, Gido realised, and it settled like a rock in his guts. He could have refused _entirely_. Then he wouldn't have to deal with any of this.

But it _was_ done and he _was_ responsible for this situation, in a way.

Quietly, Gido explained what had happened, though he was surprised that his voice didn't waver and how little he felt bad about lying when he said he didn't know who had brought Ayanami in. Frau was a smart boy, smart enough to figure that there was a reason why they had asked him. A reason Gido preferred not talking about.

"We're keeping him away from everyone for a while, so we can all adjust to the situation," Gido heard himself say and thought. _No, _I_ need to adjust to the situation... Almost as much as you_, he added when he saw the expression on Frau's face. Without a word he pulled Frau down to bury his face in his shoulder, carding a hand through his hair, after he had adjusted his position into a more comfortable one. For a while neither of them said anything, until Frau noted that there was more to be said and Gido could barely suppress a sigh, after all he was right. "Everything at its time," was all he muttered in response to his words.

He didn't even notice how tightly he was holding on, but he deliberately went on to run his hand in circles over Frau's back.

Time seemed to melt as both of them seemed to drown in their personal sorrows, though Gido did not let that show. It was nothing of Frau's concern after all, and when he finally spoke again Gido ushered Frau out of his room, his mind set on the task to bring him to Tiashe, who should be right down the hall at this point. Yet he found himself taking a detour, much to Frau's confusion it seemed, and it only made himself feel like he was drawing it out. Neither actually helped him feel at ease.

Yet he smiled.

Like he always did, but Gido hardly remembered shoving Frau through the door, only that it felt hard to breathe once the door was closed behind him. Which meant that everything would go back to before, and that was kind of good too, because really, he shouldn't have just jumped the brat the first chance he had. But it did not feel good, and in fact Gido felt a little dizzy.

It was really hard not to think about something when you were forcing yourself to, and not thinking about Frau _or_ Ayanami was manageable, but thinking of neither at the same time seemed near impossible.

Gido blinked into the bright sunlight...when had he walked outside? He hadn't even noticed. A shaky breath left his lips. He really felt a little dizzy, Gido noticed, rubbing his temple.

God, he had to vent this somehow... some way. He had only closed his eyes for a few mere seconds it seemed, but something told him it had definitely been longer.

Tamika's voice came from far, far, away and she had to repeat her words twice before they got through to him. "How do you feel?" She had placed her hands on his arms, her face full of worry and concern.

His lips parted, but the words would not come, though they weighed down his tongue, and his expression must have spoken enough because her features softened and she brushed a hand over his cheek.

"I just need a moment..." Gido quietly stated, still wondering how he managed to sound this calm, because some part of him definitely wanted to scream and scream.

It ate him away. Everything. Seeing Frau and Tiashe each day with these bright expressions, having Ayanami around, it was all slowly adding up. Getting up was hard these days, and sleeping seemed to be as impossible as ever. He had tried burying himself in books, but that hadn't worked so well. The drill worked far better to distract him and exhaust him at the same time.

It was not envy though, the emotion that was coursing through his veins. Frau deserved what he had, and Gido would be the last to take that from him.

The sound when his swords hit the trunk again and again was never nearly as satisfying as the feeling from when he cut through the soft wood, leaving visible scars where he had hit. It was mindless hacking and Gala and Cassius would have certainly scolded him for putting the trees through so much suffering, but frankly Gido did not care. This was way more satisfying than any step sequence, which only meant a lot of hitting air. And air was no good of an opponent at any time.

When one of the swords got stuck he had to dissolve it and he stopped for a moment, panting, taking a few steps back to look at what he had done. Yawning cuts spread over the surface, revealing the pale wood underneath like flesh beneath skin. Something made Gido sure that it would bleed, if only it could, and that would have been sad if he only cared about it. It felt an awful lot like staring at his own insides.

The steps had been ingrained into him far too long ago, like the drill had been the first steps he had ever taken. He could walk them with his eyes closed, though that was of course rather stupid when facing enemies. Still, Gido liked how neat and orderly they were and how they gave him time to clear his head. A long time ago that had bought him two birds with one stone. Now it only served to clear his mind, because he didn't want to think.

Plunging his swords once again into bark, resistance echoed through his arms but only for a moment, and then the edges cut nice and swift. He was about to go for another round when he noticed his steps.

Instinct made him clutch the hilts of his swords, but he didn't turn around.

Why was it no surprise to him that Ayanami had made it out of his cage after barely two weeks? Gido closed his eyes. _No_, was what he thought, yet he turned around to face him, exhaustion written on his face.

"Are you imagining you're doing that to me?", Ayanami said. His voice was so, _so_ calm, it was almost enough to scare Gido. He dared to look at him.

Anyhow, he was puzzled by his question because he had not thought about doing this to anyone, now that he thought about it. No, he didn't want to do _that_ to Ayanami. Yelling though... there was a good share of that waiting for him. And so he finally said, "No... What do you want?"

"I think we should talk."

"I think we shouldn't," Gido gritted his teeth, turning away again. One step away from the drill's initial stance.

It was quiet for a moment and Gido thought Ayanami was about to leave, but apparently he was wrong. "So you are going to ignore me then? What happened to your pity for the monster?" Ayanami's voice was as calm as ever and Gido let out a sigh when he heard his footsteps approaching. Although he didn't want him to come any closer, Gido found himself frozen in his spot. His bones were singing with yearn.

"You used that up," he had to force the words out between gritted teeth. What the hell was he thinking... "And don't you–" Gido found himself parting his lips and closing them again. There were nothing in particular he could say that would make any sense. "You had _one_ job _god fucking dammit_!" he yelled, thrusting both swords into the ground where they dissolved, which made him regret his decision immediately. "_You knew what I wanted!_" his voice was shaking, dangerously close to giving in.

Ayanami didn't answer and maybe it was good that way, because Gido did not want to listen. He was done listening. He had done nothing else the past ten years and now it was Ayanami's turn.

"There was no other way."

"_No other way?_" Gido mouthed the words in disbelief. "How about just _not_ killing him!?" The words didn't even come out as angry as he wanted them to. His voice was breaking away. His head was spinning. This was just not true, it was not happening, he wasn't hearing this. "Do you have any – _any_ idea what it was like... watching you, doing – _all_ you did. And now you have the nerve to tell me we should talk. Do you wanna fucking hug it out because I don't, I'm _done_ with this," he had turned to face Ayanami after all. Following the urge to look him in the eye. "You know exactly that I don't forgive in this matter... You knew and still...!" Gido thought there was a flicker of emotion in Ayanami's eyes, but he was too caught up in the mess of his own to identify it. He hadn't even heard the faint voice that had said his name, he only saw Ayanami's mouth move, but it made no sense to him.

"I had no control–"

"Stop lying! It's always been you! I was just too blind to see it."

"It _feels_ like there's two of me," Ayanami insisted and for all he wanted to, Gido could not object that. "I did not mean to put you through all of that." His words were quiet, almost silent.

For a long moment it seemed he was going to say sorry, but of course that didn't happen, of course Ayanami didn't let anything show.

"And you know what the worst part is?" Something about the look on Ayanami's face told him that he didn't want to know, but he had to say it. He had to make him aware. "The _worst_ part is that I would have forgiven you for _everything_ if only you had done what I would have asked of you."

It was only then that he noticed that Ayanami was blatantly staring at something behind him. Rather, some_one_, because Gido was fairly sure he knew who stood not too far away at the entrance of the clearing. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he turned around. _Why the hell is it always you_, he asked himself, and when he opened them he saw Frau. But of course there was no answer, just Frau's confused eyes, and suddenly Gido felt something heavy sink down into his gut, settling there in the most uncomfortable position.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It wasn't.

A sudden rush of panic mixed into that uneasy feeling, and Gido ignored the urge to turn around and see what Ayanami was doing. Finding out why Frau was here and how much he had heard was way more important right now. Right after getting out of this place, because he was starting to feel like he couldn't breathe.

"What's going on?" Frau asked, tugging at his sleeve, attempting to stop him, but soon giving up and following his pace while Gido struggled to make his expression a grim mask. At least emotionless. "Gido..." Sometimes Frau said his name, that much he knew, the rest was some incoherent stammering to him and suddenly there was something in his way. For a moment Gido considered disappearing, but that would only make Frau search for him and bore holes into him with question and that was something he wanted even less than talking to Frau right now. "What's going on?" This time the question pressed more urgency. "What– What was that all about, I don't understand, why did you say that to him?"

For an instant Gido's mind went blank, Frau's questions seemed to float about but there was no sense to them. Just what the hell should he tell him? There was no easy explanation for this. There was no explanation that would not hurt. "Because..." the word slipped empty from his lips. _Because he was supposed to look out for you, not to kill you._ But he could hardly say that. "Not now..." Gido finally managed, inhaling slowly. "I..." he couldn't find the words. "Just– I can't... I don't want talk about this right now." There, he thought to himself. It was out and it hadn't even been as hard as he had imagined it. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I was looking for you. I was worried..."

However, it was clear that Frau had no intention of letting him go and for a moment Gido just wanted to disappear again, but again he didn't. That feeling then slowly turned into wanting to scream and shout and Frau, but that just seemed highly unfair and he certainly couldn't do that.

A few more deep breaths and Gido felt the calm slowly creeping back into his body now that he was concentrating on Frau. "Don't worry," he managed. "It's nothing of your concern, alright? What – what happened there... That was– I just never got to vent my anger." The small laugh that came from his throat surprised even himself. It was more of a try than an actual laugh though. "I– It... guess it came out worse than it was supposed to be..."

Frau sighed, as he seemed to think of him as some idiot, or so his expression told him. "Why did you say you'd forgive him? What would you forgive him for?"

Oh, did he really feel the need for that? Gido just shook his head, his mouth tightening. There was no easy explanation. "It's silly after all," he heard himself say. "It's stupid, I don't want to talk about it..."

"What did he do to you?" Now there was honest concern, but that only hurt as well.

_If only you knew..._ Gido thought, kneading the bridge of his nose because looking at Frau suddenly became incredibly difficult. "Let me go, I said even more than I wanted to already..."

To his surprise, Frau listened.

It was a relief to finally disappear. With a low thud Gido sank against the door to his room, burying his face into his hands when he sank down.

Frau's question kept coursing through his head. _What did he do to you? _And when Gido tried to answer it quietly he either felt like kicking something or laughing at his own stupidity. Because the worst wasn't that he would have forgiven him, the worst was the reason why he would do that. The worst was that he... some part of him _still_ loved him, though Gido wished he wouldn't. And that hurt, it hurt because it had made watching him unbearable and it hurt even more to think of what that would do to Frau. It hurt because he didn't want to love him anymore and it made him just want to scream instead. It hurt for all Ayanami's inconsiderate behaviour had put him through.

Anger felt rather secondary next to the pain gaping inside of him.

Gido was startled when a warm hand touched his head as he had believed he was alone, but Tamika's face just brought back the pain to his own. "I don't want to anymore... It was supposed to be over someday..." And he only just noticed the tears that had been finding their way out of his eyes when she wiped them away. "Shit," he muttered, rubbing them off his face and accepting that she sat down on his lap to hold him close. "It's just... I'm sick of it and I want to scream at him, but... I can't because when I get too close I... I..." _I fear I will give in_. Gido couldn't admit it out loud, so it was good that Tamika asked no questions, instead she muttered soothing words to him and ran a hand down the back of his head.

There was just no way he was allowed to give in.

* * *

*Takes a deep breath* Well?  
You didn't expect that, did you? I bet you, you didn't. *Cackles* I wish I could make it so the tags only appear after one read the chapter, so it would have been more of a surprise.  
If you want to bother me with questions, there's a link to my tumblr on my profile.


	8. Shadow & Light

Hey guys!  
I am very sorry that I took so long to update this, especially when the chapter was long finished, but work decided to be too exhausting. So I ended up being too tired to do a thing. Thanks for sticking me with anyway guys *gives out cake and coffee* I really hope you will enjoy this story to the very end of it 3

This chapter is dedicated to Branch, and when you will be finally able to read this you will know.

* * *

It felt far from real. Thick heavy tears had begun rolling down Teito's cheeks at some point; he was sobbing, and strangely enough smiling in between and hugging Frau. Sometimes he let go just to look at him and then proceeded to hug him, all while Frau was still trying to comprehend the situation. He was _dead_, it was only really sinking in just now. _Oh my God_, he was dead. Happiness felt twisted when Frau realised he should mourn him. It all... It all did not feel right. It shouldn't be a good thing to be happy about someone's death, yet Frau found that he had rarely ever been as happy as when he pressed Teito's warm slender body against his. It barely soothed the panic that was rising in him, though.

"I really never thought I would see you again," Teito muttered, clutching Frau's coat tight. Then drawing a deep, shaky breath trying to calm himself, wiping away tears as Frau did the same, feeling his head leaning against his hand. "You're warm..." Teito muttered, nuzzling his face into Frau's hand.

Frau merely smiled, running his fingers through his hair, pressing a kiss to his head and made a mental note to thank Gido later. "Yeah... Had to actually get used to that," he said with a grin.

He felt Teito smile against his hand. "It's nice... and hard to believe..." Teito murmured and pressed a kiss to his lips, at which Frau grinned for a moment, and then promptly kissed back. Suddenly there was a quite too familiar itch in his fingers to touch him, and Frau suddenly felt immensely depraved of touch, as if all that happened between him and Gido had meant nothing, but that was not quite true, it only had not been the right kind of proximity. It had been different; it had been that bottle of vodka only meant to purge yourself from the pain you end up crying about at four a.m. in the morning. Gido's kiss had been only meant to drown his demons, while it had been Teito he had longed for.

There was something bitter on his tongue though, when he kissed him. He had missed him, he had missed him so much and how he had- He had _not_ known he would see Teito this soon again though. Therefore Frau reasoned he could hardly be blamed for what had happened, or maybe this was just to make him feel less guilty.

Frau hadn't even realised he had buried his face in the space between Teito's neck and collarbone. It was warm there and his scent filled his nose, calming the rising storm inside his mind. "The seal broke... didn't it..." It wasn't even meant to be a question. There was hardly any other explanation, Frau realised when he settled his head in a much more comfortable position, while Teito ran a through his hair and started to play with the blond strands.

It felt oddly wrong. That was Gido's thing. Teito should not do Gido's thing. Yet it was relaxing just the same, so for the moment Frau chose to ignore it and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you... it wasn't supposed to happen... It was never supposed to happen."

Teito pinched his ear, making him flinch. "You moron! If that hadn't happened I wouldn't be here now!" He huffed and put a pout on his lips.

"But that wasn't supposed to happen!" Frau lifted his head. "_None. Of this._ Was supposed to happen! You were meant to live and I... I didn't want to die and leave you alone. You hear me?" Frau glared, but when he kissed him it was soft and careful. "I was happy for once..." The last words were nothing but a whisper and a breath against warm skin, when his head sunk and he pressed a kiss to his neck.

"Frau..."

He bit down, drawing blood, pleased with the gasp that came from Teito's lips. "And I'm angry..." his voice easily filled with pain. "You were not meant to be here. Ayanami neither, that bastard belongs to rot in hell..."

"Frau he's still... my uncle." That word sounded as weird as it probably felt to Teito.

The coppery taste filled his mouth easily when Frau started sucking on the wound, leaving an overall red mark on his skin. "It's not good that you're here." It was confusing that it made him happy. It shouldn't make him happy that the person he loved was dead, even though that meant they were together again. Should it?

"Don't say that, you don't mean that..." There was pain in his voice, and Frau wished there wasn't. He wished for a moment he had kept his mouth shut, when he noticed how tight Teito was holding on. He remembered clinging to Gido and suddenly that was enough and he gave in, mumbling, "I'm so sorry" over and over again. "You should have had it better, that was always the plan," Gido's word sputtered from his lips and it was almost enough to make him cry. Frau was thankful that he didn't.

Frau later remembered that they talked, but hardly about what. It was more the taste on his tongue, the warm skin under his hands, the sweet sounds that left his lips and the familiar scent in his nose that he remembered. And when it came down to it Frau hardly wanted to remember anything else, after all they had plenty of time to talk now. Although he could hardly believe that there would be any reason for Teito to stay up here. He had never been a Ghost, and though he had harboured Verloren's body, his soul had barely been touched.

Day had melted into night had melted into day and bright rays of light were shining through the gap in the curtains. Teito was still sleeping though it was near midday, but then again there was a lot to take in about this place. Teito's eyes blinked open when Frau pushed a few brown strands out of his face.

"I thought you were going to sleep the whole day," Teito muttered, winding his arms and legs snug around Frau's body.

Frau snorted quietly, but amused. "You've been awake the whole time?"

"Not really," Teito gave a small yawn and buried his face in Frau's shoulder. "I dozed off in between... I didn't want to get up."

Frau felt him smirk, and pressed a kiss near his ear, digging his teeth into the soft skin of it. He trailed a line of kisses down his neck, but was interrupted when Teito landed a soft punch on his shoulder.

"Never thought it would take our deaths to get you this far..." Teito muttered, biting Frau's ear.

To that Frau only huffed, returning the bite and flipping them over, pinning him down with ease. "You're enjoying that way too much brat," Frau growled when he noticed Teito's smirk.

"Maybe..." he replied, writhing. Eyes half shut and smirking.

There was no denying, Teito definitely knew how to get his way, and Frau found it strangely comforting to know he was still the same annoying brat. "You _are_ enjoying this," Frau repeated, yet smiling and he kissed his nose. "I'm glad," he said, and Teito only blinked before he returned his smile and buried his nose in his cheek, burying Teito beneath him, before rolling to his side after a while.

"I'm already dead, no need to worry you'll suffocate me with your weight anymore," Teito teased.

"I know," Frau replied with a sigh, but still smiled. _Stupid brat_, Frau thought. Still, he rolled over onto his back, rubbing the last sleep out of his eyes. They fell shut either way when he sighed and smiled to himself. A while ago he had thought he couldn't be any happier and now he would have to argue about that. Teito was moving closer, curling up next to him and suddenly Frau was very glad that he didn't try kissing him awake.

Gido had done that and Frau had loved it, for the mere fact that it was so much nicer than being kicked out of bed by Castor.

Teito had started running a hand through his hair and Frau opened his eyes, scrutinising him. "What...?" he asked.

"The man who brought me here said something peculiar... He said you all stay here till you can go back down again," Teito said and sunk down onto Frau's chest. "What did he mean?"

"The man who brought you here?" Frau echoed, feeling way more content when he was the one running a hand through Teito's hair then the other way around.

"Yeah, Zehel before you, he brought me here and Ayanami as well," Teito declared and shifted a little in his position, to have it more comfortable it seemed. "I forgot his name..."

"Gido brought you in?", Frau asked, confused and sat up. He felt slightly dizzy, not quite awake yet, why would Gido even... It made no sense. Teito nodded, he noticed, and tried to smile a bit.

"What did he mean by that, Frau?" There was concern on his face, but Frau couldn't really concentrate on it as the ugly feeling in his stomach was too hard to ignore. Although Gido had not lied to him per se, he had voluntarily kept that information from him and Frau knew him well enough to be certain that there was a good reason for that. Though, Teito did not need to worry about that, so he kept quiet for now.

A sigh escaped his lips. "Well... there's a catch," he began and realised that Teito would not like this. Even more he would want to stay... Certainly, he would. Why the hell... Gido could at least have kept his mouth shut about this, Frau thought as he ran a hand over his face. He leaned onto his hand, his elbow resting on his knee, getting comfortable. "As former Ghosts we need to wash out the darkness first before we can even think about being reborn..." Frau was surprised how easy the words slipped from his lips.

To his surprised Teito took it all quite calmly. "How long...?" was all he asked.

His lips parted, but the words would not come out. Years, decades, that much Frau knew... How long exactly he couldn't say. "I don't know," he admitted. "Long..." and after a moment he added. "We're definitely talking decades." There was no answer to that, but Frau noticed how Teito curled up in his lap and Frau pressed a kiss to his head. "What's wrong?"

"I was vessel to Mikhail and Verloren's body, that's going to take more than decades to wash out..."

Frau was speechless.

"Stupid!" Was it even possible to be this wrong. How could he even believe, Frau felt like something that was meant to be yelled and screamed was stuck in his throat. His nails were digging into the sheet, but he hardly noticed. "You damn brat, is that really what you think?!"

"_I mean, that both of you have souls that burn so pure it's amazing you don't blind innocent onlookers."_

Gido's voice was clear and vibrant in his head, ringing in his ears.

Teito was startled by his anger. _Good_, Frau thought, gritting his teeth.

"_And neither of you seem to believe it."_

_Well, you can hardly blame me for that_, Frau thought and swallowed, running a hand through his hair. But he would not allow Teito to think the same way. "If the shadow had laid a hand on you, you would have been swallowed. There would have been–_ The light was all your own _to begin with. It was all yours" Frau could read in his eyes that Teito wanted to argue, that he couldn't believe him, but the glare he shot him effectively silenced him and after a while, he didn't quite know why, he even smiled. God he had been such an idiot, he was even close to feeling sorry for all the trouble he had put Gido through. He had probably been the reason for several headaches of him. "Don't ever say that again. Don't you see, you can go whenever you want, but I have to stay..."

"No." Grim, Teito sat up to stare at him. "Not when I finally have you back, I'll wait and then we can go back together. I'm not going alone."

Oh damn... Just as expected, Frau stifled a groan and instead of sinking his head he bumped it against Teito's. "No way. I'm not letting you. This is gonna take half a lifetime, even with being my heroic self; it's way too long!"

Teito snorted. "Right," he smirked. "I'm not going back down without you and you can't make me," he went on and got very close which reminded Frau ultimately of the games Teito had been playing with him. Being such a tease that it had been a sheer miracle Frau hadn't lost his nerve any earlier and given in completely. Or at least it seemed to him that way now as he stared stubbornly back at Teito.

"And if I have to drag your ass down there myself, I don't fucking care. You're not wasting away your time in this place. Bad enough you're here at all! What were you thinking?"

At that Teito huffed, probably very well aware that Frau could still manage that with ease and even find a way to make it happen. Frau was pretty sure he would, maybe he could talk Asyl into taking Teito back down. After all he only meant well. Actually the idea itself wasn't so bad, and Frau made a note to ask her when he saw her.

"It all happened too fast..." Teito finally muttered. "I couldn't do a thing. Next thing I knew I was here and Ayanami was as well."

That made no sense, considering that Verloren's soul shouldn't be allowed entrance to heaven. It seemed to confuse Teito even more, and Frau made a mental note to do some research of his own later.

Teito had always had his own methods of getting him out of bed and half the time it was worth it. This time it was not. For all he tried, Frau couldn't help himself but find the refectory depressing with that few people present.

"It's weird to see this place so empty..." Teito stated and Frau nodded. Anyhow he didn't seem as affected by it, as Frau noticed how it seemed to immediately lift his mood to see Fea. And while Teito ran over to his uncle Frau trudged behind.

He noticed Gido and Tamika chatting a few tables away, something about their picture still made him stomach drop.

_Oh God..._ was all Frau could think when Fea obviously beamed at him. He would never get used to it. But Fea was merciless and his joy about their relationship unyielding, and while Frau wasn't exactly bothered by it, it was slightly embarrassing. And while Teito was happily chatting with Fea, prying holes into him, Frau poked at his food, eyes fixed on Gido.

What had he been thinking... Ayanami of all people. Someone stuffed something into his mouth and Frau found himself glaring at Teito. It was a smile that greeted him though.

"You should eat properly now that the Scythe is gone," he said.

To that Frau only rolled his eyes as he chewed and swallowed. "I'm not hungry. That's all."

"That will come with time," Fea interrupted when Teito wanted to protest and for the first time Frau was actually glad for his presence. "Some things are ingrained too deep to disappear over night. Eat as much as you like whenever you feel like it."

"See brat, it's not like I'm dying or anything," Frau grinned, snagging a strange star-shaped fruit from his plate. It was sweet like sugar, almost too sweet. He pulled a face. "Ugh..."

"What?" Teito smirked.

"Too sweet. Now I really don't want anything else..." It had been enough to make him feel slightly sick.

Teito huffed. "You did that on purpose," he muttered.

"Right," Frau strained the vocal in that. "You know I can't stand sweet things. Makes me feel nauseas, goddamn..." He muttered, the rest of his argument became incomprehensible gibberish when he dropped his head onto the table. At least he didn't have to see Fea's everlasting smile resting upon them. Fortunately Fea and Teito had a lot else to catch up on, which allowed Frau to fall into silence for a while as he tried to calm his revolting stomach. It had been Teito's idea anyway, he had been the one to drag him out of bed, saying it would be fun getting to know everything and everyone. Frau would have preferred to stay in bed and ignore the world a little longer. Especially when it was just a fuckton of gardens and more gardens and nothing else and weird baths and fountains and this weird church.

It was Teito's voice after all that caught his attention. "That one," Teito said, pointing over at Gido. "He brought me here, and Ayanami too!" When Fea furrowed his brows Teito only nodded. "Do you know him?" That question was for both of them, he realised, when Teito's eyes skipped between the both of them.

"Yeah that's Gido, he was Zehel before me, why do you even know that?"

"I met him on my journey with father," Teito replied, nodding at Fea. "And you?"

"He was my mentor," Frau said, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could, but he had to smirk when Teito gaped. "He raised me, and I was part of his crew."

There was no immediate answer, and for a while all Teito did was scrutinise Gido, who still sat by Tamika's side. "It certainly explains a thing or two..." And as much as Frau would have liked to argue with that, he couldn't. His behaviour had been shaped after Gido's, as Frau had wanted to be just like him just four years back. And frankly, that still hadn't changed much. If there was anyone Frau looked up to, then it was Gido. It had always been _him_. _Always_ Gido. "Then," Teito's gaze focused on Frau. "Was he the one who taught you the requiem?"

As there was nothing to say Frau only nodded. He might have even commented on that if Fea had not interrupted them.

"Earlier, you said that Gido brought you _and_ Ayanami here. Is that correct?"

"Y-yes... why?"

A kind smile rested on Fea's lips, but his eyes spoke of something Frau couldn't quite figure out. "I gather that only the two of you know of this so far, so I need to ask a favour of you. Keep it to yourself. There was no unanimous decision and some might not react well to that information. You would do Gido a favour too."

"I just don't understand why him. I can hardly imagine he volunteered," Frau replied, raising his brows, while Teito didn't quite seem to grasp why the whole thing was a problem at all. Although Frau could only guess himself, he would say he had a pretty good idea.

Fea sighed. "That I cannot say, but I don't think it's likely either, given... Nevermind," he cleared his throat, drinking from his cup and shifting in his seat. "What I can say though, is that Gido is excellent at bringing in strays that are somewhat conscious of where they are and what happened to them. No idea why, but he has some good hunches," Fea smiled. "Maybe that is why they asked him to do it."

"They?", Frau and Teito echoed in unison.

"The eldest, our self-proclaimed council. They won't or can't leave for reasons they never tell, but they have been here the longest and we heed their advice, especially in matters like this."

So that was what the bunch of weirdoes he had named _the first generation_ was called. He raised a brow...how curious. Why would somebody even consider staying in a place as fucked up as this one? Whatever their reasons were, they were beyond his comprehension. "I see," was all he said in the end. It kind of made sense actually, seeking advice from the oldest and wisest. Rather than those who had most experience in making mistakes.

After that, Teito finished his plate and was finally able to part with his uncle. Frau didn't like to admit it, but he was glad it was over. Those hundred-volt beams that Fea called smiles where just too much to be on the receiving end of.

"Heh. Never thought I'd see you embarrassed."

"I'm not," Frau protested. Though that was not entirely true, it was just... It was bothering him. "It's just... why does he have to smile like a thousand suns," Frau pressed a hand to his forehead. "I could do without that, it's creepy..."

Teito only chuckled in response. "So where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know, what is there to see?"

"Well let's see – gardens, gardens, _gardens_, some freaky hot springs and fountains, gardens, gardens, the lake and who would have thought, more freakin' gardens...gee we really _haven't enough_ of those!" Frau had started counting on his fingers, while his gaze lingered on Teito. Although grim with frustration at first, he soon smiled when Teito laughed.

With a smile Teito said, "show me whatever there is." And tugged at Frau's sleeve. "Please..."

Frau only glared, but he did as asked. Considering how fucked up this place was he could hardly let Teito walk about on his own. "Alright, then let's go meet our neighbours," Frau smirked and found Teito, to his delight, eyeing him with suspicion.

"We have neighbours?" he asked, half curious, half sceptical.

Frau hummed an answer and led him along towards the church gates. Once they were outside though, Teito froze and Frau couldn't help but to stop and stare himself. It was a sight for itself. "Teito – Strays, Strays – my boyfriend," of course the strays were indifferent as always, trudging by with slow steps, staring right through them, even through the building. He had also noticed how Teito had blushed upon his words and Frau couldn't help another smirk and ruffled his hair.

"They don't react to the church..." Teito noticed surprised. "But it's right in their way. Why aren't they approaching us?" Confused he looked around, watching the strays part ways around the church.

"Hm, well Gido said it's under some sort of cloaking spell. So only those who know it's there can see it." Thankfully the explanation seemed to suffice, because he really had nothing else. "So, where do you wanna go next?"

"You said there were hot springs?"

"Hm... yeah... in a way..." Frau admitted and Teito's look reminded him way too much of himself when Gido had told him about it. It was almost enough to make an awkward laugh slip from his throat. "Come," he said.

They walked for a while in silence. Teito didn't seem to be bothered as much by the gardens it seemed. To his surprise he was smiling, staring around in wonder.

"The petals," he said, when he noticed Frau's stare. "Do they fall all day?"

"Yeah... they get everywhere..." Gido had been more than right, Frau thought, grumbling as he shook some out of his hair and brushed some more from his coat. Strangely enough, Teito kept smiling. "_What?_" Frau just had to ask.

"They remind me of snow. It would fall for days sometimes when I was small..." He cupped his hands, caught some and turned them over in his fingers.

Frau only sighed. "Don't the gardens bother you? I mean, there's literally nothing else here..."

At first there was no answer, Teito only turned his head away. When he finally muttered an answer though, Frau could only grin. "Don't remind me, I'm trying to actually enjoy this!" He pressed the words out between his teeth, trying hard not to be upset it seemed. All Frau did was snicker in response.

When they reached their destination Teito remained awfully quiet, even when Frau eyed him and bent down to look straight at him.

Slowly, Teito finally looked up, staring at him like he had done something very bad here. "What even is this place?" he demanded. "Why the hell is it shaped like a cross, why is there a goddamn reception desk when nobody needs one? What's about all these flasks and jars and that thing is no fountain or shower head or whatever you wanna call it, that's fucking art." He was pointing at the dragon fountain that Frau still had little trust in.

"It's not art, it's weird," he objected, "ask Gido, he knows every damn thing about this place. I've only been here for some months." He thought about the dozens of jars and bottles, but only ended up hiding his face in his palm and trying to reassure Teito that he was truly okay.

It had been the wrong idea to wonder if he would actually find anything on these shelves considering the last time he had done that. "I'm fine, I'm fine... let's go somewhere else."

"But I wanna take a bath!"

"You've got to be kidd–", but before Frau could finish his sentence Teito was already undressed and halfway into the water. Frau felt ignored, frustrated, and finally he decided to give in. There was little he had to object, no actually he had nothing at all to oppose. There was never a wrong time for a hot bath. Never. Although, Frau realised when he stripped and followed Teito into the pond he had picked, maybe Gido had take him here one time too often.

The fountain in this one had the shape of a bear's head, like the one he had killed in the mountains, and for a while Frau watched it with suspicion. Only when Teito splashed water at him did he turn around to dunk the damn brat under water. Teito laughed in answer and spit whatever water had been filling his mouth at him, which caused Frau to dunk him in once more. A smirked lined his face when he felt Teito's shoulders as the other was trying to wrestle him down. Their fight left them both drenched and warm and laughing

"I'm no brat," Teito huffed and crawled onto his lap when Frau sat down beside him. His arms slid around the slender, warm body, as he watched the surface slowly calm. His thumb drawing circles on Teito's shoulder blade, when said one nestled close.

_Damn brat_, Frau thought, slowly sinking nose-deep into the water, only to be greeted by Teito's smile. "What?" he muttered, lifting his head just enough so he could talk.

"You still really enjoy baths, don't you, hm?" Teito said. It sounded less like a question, more like a statement, and since there was not much to say Frau only hummed a sound of agreement. Becoming a Ghost had deprived him of all of his body heat and this had been the closest he had ever come to it for the longest time in his life. The only response he got though was a smile, and Teito made himself comfortable on his lap.

This was entirely different.

It was not that he hadn't known this already, but he somehow felt the need to state that for himself. _Gido would... Gido... _His skin was crawling at the thought of his touch and suddenly Frau wished the water would be scalding hot. Then it would be easier not to jump up and scrub it off his skin.

This was not the time and place. This shouldn't even happen. Frau barely noticed when Teito scrambled for something behind him. "What's in all these bottles and jars?", Frau heard him ask.

"Don't know. Ask Gido, he knows them by heart!" Frau explained and was suddenly very glad when Teito did not ask for a reason why Frau knew that Gido knew. That would have ended awkward. _God damn... _he thought, this was just the wrong place. He didn't want to think of Gido right now, but that wasn't as easy as he had hoped, but it helped when Teito let the flasks and jars be flasks and jars and kissed him, and Frau smiled. For once he didn't mind how demanding Teito was in these matters.

Except for the baths, some fountains they had passed, and the lake there was little to see outside the church, and though Frau had mentioned it earlier he would not take him _there_. Not today anyway, not when he still remembered how deep it had cut the first time, not when he knew exactly how much it would hurt Teito to see them right now. But of course Teito wouldn't be himself if he allowed Frau to let matters slide. Frau sighed at his question.

"You said something about a lake earlier, aren't we going to visit that one first?" Teito tugged at his coat.

"It's just a lake, I believe you've seen one before. No need to go, is there?" Frau responded, lighting a cigarette and hoping the matter was done with this.

"Well, if it's just a lake we can go there, right?" Frau didn't respond to that. "You're not telling me everything, are you?"

Frau sighed. "Not today..." he said in answer to Teito's first question and tried a thin smile when he ruffled his hair. "We'll go there some other time," he added, the promise in his tone, and that seemed to be enough. Although he saw Teito pouting on their way back.

"I thought you were exaggerating..." Teito admitted, once they reached the gate. "But there really is nothing else but gardens here...", his voice unusually thin. There seemed to be a question lingering on his tongue, but Teito didn't ask it.

Inside the church there was the library where use, function, and purpose were easily explained. Then there was the Cuvere, even at the same place where it used to be and Frau was glad for it, because he hadn't even visited this place himself. Teito seemed genuinely interested.

"Well, that's it", Frau shrugged as they ascended the stairs. "Nothing else interesting in this place if you don't count the inhabitants." And there were depressingly few to begin with, if you were used to ten times as many filling these halls.

"Anywhere else you want to go?"

"Not really..." Teito said, smiling. "I'm happy for any time I get to spend with you." Somehow Teito's fingers had found their way around his own. Frau didn't really mind.

And that he got. From now on they could have an eternity together, or at least a taste of it, as Frau would certainly be stuck here for at least a couple decades. After all Gido had said it himself, Frau would be able to go down again in no time compared to... whatever the others had to face. Time passed, but for all that it made him happy to have that stubborn brat back at his side, Frau couldn't stop that little voice from whispering that Teito shouldn't have to share that burden. And the more time passed, the more it gnawed at him and the harder it got to ignore.

When Teito had wanted to spend some time with Fea, of course Frau had not objected and took the time to, after all, continue reading.

It took him some time to figure out where he had left off.

The entire property on which the great church near the outskirts of Raggs had been built was owned by the Verius family. It was a fact that had been swept under the carpet at some point in history and after that it had been easy to forget, although the knowledge was still passed on to each heir of the house.

Frau blinked, and had to read the paragraphs stating the how and when about these facts twice before he could feel it slowly sinking in. But then, it explained the reason for their strange concept and why they would consider giving the pope the title as the head of their house even when he was a complete stranger. _Interesting_.

What followed where dozens of chapters about every first (the pope) and second (the one doing the actual work) head of the house of Verius. Frau tried reading the first few, but soon grew bored, merely skimming the pages and he soon skipped to the latest chapter. He had even skipped the recent pope, even though that might have been interesting, Frau found little sympathy in himself for the man to actually busy himself with his life.

'_Nante Verius_' the title read, but it was not the name but rather his birth date that made Frau furrow his brows. With none of them being an actual part of this house... why was the present head of the house listed here. Frau ran his thumb over the sign on the back. It read '_Zehel_', but Gido didn't know anything, which left only Asyl to ask. His eyes skimmed the text. Military training, five children... daughters...

Frau had to stop and rub his eye, it was hardly hurting, and it certainly did feel more like reflex in the end. His head was spinning as something he had tried not thinking about surfaced and he allowed the words to form for the first time.

Gido had _lied_ to him. He had _lied_, when he had said he didn't know who had brought Ayanami in. So why was there any reason he shouldn't lie about this too?

Maybe there was an easy explanation after all, Frau thought, hoped. Back then he would have let the hurt over this form into anger, he would have yelled at Gido, called him out on it. Right now it made him feel almost nauseas and he had to close his eyes for a moment.

Back then there hadn't been all that pain to deal with.

A warm hand touched his shoulder and for a moment Frau didn't even think about it, he just leaned against Teito and closed his eyes. It was still strange when Teito ran a hand through his hair, the strangest that he couldn't stop thinking about Gido. Frau had hoped it would go away with time, but even after two weeks it was still there. That nagging thought that it was Gido's thing and suddenly he didn't want anymore.

With a grumpy sound Frau ducked his head away and dropped it onto his arms onto the desk. From somewhere he heard Teito lightly teasing him about the book on his lap, but he didn't really care and it wasn't actually amusing either. What was nice though, was when Teito replaced the book and curled up on his lap. His arms wound around Frau's neck and his fingers were caressing his back, while his lips were way too distracting to pay attention to anything else, and for now that was all he needed.


	9. Gone

Now we're finally closing the time gap that Gido's part has created. Yay!  
Have fun reading!

* * *

Gido had been avoiding him.

Frustrated, Frau kicked a banister, nowhere near satisfied with the lack of resistance it provided.

Thankfully, Teito wasn't here to scold him for trying to damage the church. Or Castor for all that it mattered, both would have hit him and... There was a sting of pain and Frau found himself laughing over the fact how much he missed bickering and fighting with him after all. Castor had been a good friend, always. For all that they had fought, they had stuck together just the same.

He _was_ happy, that was not quite the issue, but just because Teito had died didn't mean he wanted to cut Gido out of his life. The first few days it had been quite nice to have Teito all to himself, but after a while Gido's absence had started to lower his mood. After all, Frau wanted him around. He wanted him to run a hand through his hair and tease him and have everything back to how it had always been. Because that was how it should be after all, now that it was out of question for them to continue the relationship they had shared since his arrival.

Besides, there was the fact that Gido had lied to him, which not only confused him, but it pissed him off. Especially when he took the second possible event where that had happened into account. Gido was doing _it_ again. Treating him like a kid, like he was unable to comprehend or understand the situation, or both. Hadn't he proven himself enough by now?

Teito got along surprisingly well with the other Ghost's, taking a special interest in those who had lived in Raggs and who spoke the lost language. Some days he returned to Frau happily chatting about all the things he had learned about the fallen kingdom, and as often, Frau could only smile and listen, happy to watch the bright smile on his face alone. It was nice to see him open up that much, even when it was only when it came to that specific topic.

Right now he was probably out with Fea again. It was his second favourite way to spend his time here, Raggs being the third, and personally Frau liked to consider himself as the first.

He was thankful though that Teito was not around right now. Otherwise he would have surely insisted on tagging along, and Frau wasn't actually fond of that thought. The way that Gido was avoiding him made him seem extremely guilty of his lie and Frau wasn't sure what exactly to make of that. After all... what reason would Gido have to become involved in this matter? Even if he was good at sniffing out a sane soul now and then, that didn't exactly qualify him to take care of Ayanami.

Frau wondered who else they had taken into consideration, but failed to come up with any name after realising that he didn't exactly know them all that well. Maybe except for Tamika, but she didn't exactly seem the type one would burden with that task.

Shoving any thoughts regarding that subject aside, Frau tried to concentrate on his current self set task: finding Gido. He was not in his room and not with any of the other Ghost's present, he had checked on that just now. So where had he gone... Maybe the catacombs, although Frau was not sure why he would hide there anyway. It was dark and not exactly the driest spot around the church, yet... their coffins had been stored there, or at least until Frau had asked for his to be placed in his room. Something about the snug, closed space had been comforting. It had made him feel less aware of how alone he had been when he went to sleep.

Usually, well often enough, he had spent his nights snuggled into Gido's chest. The silence inside had been rather soothing than scaring. The cold of his body too familiar after some time, and Gido had been awake. He had always been awake and watching over him, when they huddled together in his bed, which had been way too small for Gido. So he had curled up around him, more or less. It had made sleeping much easier on some nights.

Often Frau would wake up to find Gido dozing and hugging the pillow in his stead, when he removed himself from his arms. They had never talked about it. It had been a silent agreement both abided on bad nights, though in retrospect it might very well be Frau who had initiated it. Complaining that Gido never slept, or at least not when he should, and more importantly not enough. As their captain, he had been a terrible example in the field.

Sometimes when Frau had returned to his room after some hours, he had found him sitting in bed, Gido's face pale as ash and his hands often clutching the sheets. Gido's eyes had been unfocused, wide open, and when there had been no momentary flicker of terror, they had seemed so empty that Frau felt fearful. Sometimes Frau wondered if he had dreamed those moments, because the moment he opened his mouth and made Gido aware of his presence, it was gone; like it had slipped behind a mask. Anyhow, if he didn't know any better he would say his captain had had nightmares, for reasons unknown to him. Frau had never dared to ask, he didn't even know why. Usually it came naturally to scold Gido for his behaviour when he was falling out of line, but something about the look on his face, something about the smile that he had used to show him only seconds after, had silenced him.

Why the hell was he thinking about that right now anyway? Frau gave a frustrated sound and fished a cigarette from his pocket, though he was less interested in smoking than busying his hands.

He was fumbling with his lighter. The only he had ever owned, which had even Castor's approval after he had been forced to consider Frau's reasons. Besides... he had enjoyed working on it, though it had been painstaking. A smile crept across his face when the flame lit up, his cigarette soon after, and it was only then that he noticed Asyl. Frau called out her name. "Wait!" He said, but didn't have to as he realised she had already turned to face him.

A moment later she was standing right in front of him, so suddenly that he almost dropped his cigarette. Instead he forced himself to tighten his grip and take a step backwards.

Teleporting was all fun and games until people started using that to cross close distances and you had them staring at your face within a matter of seconds. It was creepy, to say the least.

"What is it?" she asked and smiled at him. Her chestnut hair was tied into a ponytail, a few loose strands framed her face.

"Well... have you seen Gido? I haven't seen him in days actually..." And that was quite an understatement, because the last time he had 'seen' him, Gido had been way too far and quickly walking away to actually talk to him.

To his surprise Asyl fell instantly quiet and dropped her gaze, absent-mindedly staring at something on his chest and his feet it seemed.

"Asyl? Is something wrong?"

At that she quickly glanced up and smiled, twirling a stand of brown hair between her fingers. "No... no everything's alright. Just..." Her gaze softened. "Don't be too hard on him..."

"What..." Frau drew his brows together, "the hell is that supposed to mean? Is he alright? Bloody tell me."

"I already told you, no need to worry," she put her arms akimbo, boring a finger into his chest soon after though. It felt awfully familiar to Magdalen, scolding him. "I don't know where he is, but he's certainly not avoiding you," she quickly added and tried a sympathising smile, her features softening once more. It was one of the worst excuses Frau had ever heard.

"You don't actually believe that yourself, do you?" he groaned, kneading the bridge of his nose.

"Uhm..." Asyl seemed obviously caught. "B-but I mean, there's really nothing to–" Frau didn't exactly answer, he simply glared at her until she fell silent and bowed her head. "I'm not entitled to answer..." the words came out slow and quiet and she looked away when she spoke. "But I really haven't seen him... kinda makes me worry myself," she finally admitted. Only that she didn't tell him what exactly she was worried about and Frau had a distinct feeling that he wouldn't get an answer from her anyway.

For a while Frau eyed her, wondering what exactly made her think she was not entitled to answer. It made her sound like there was something secret going on and he hadn't been invited to the party. "Why exactly not..." she gave him a questioning look and Frau took a deep breath, filling his lungs deep with smoke. After he exhaled, he let his eyes wander back to Asyl and he completed his question. "Why exactly are you not entitled to answer?"

Now it was Asyl's turn to take a deep breath as she sighed. "Come..." she said and led Frau to the enormous fountain from where you could watch the church gates, as well as nearly everything else on this side of the yard. There wasn't much blocking your view either way. Often Frau had found the church's stray cats in this area. He had fed them and after some time they had started following him around and sitting or sleeping on his shoulders and lap. Now of course there were none present.

Not even Razette, but Frau tried not to think too much about that. Even though she had always been scared of him she had been part of the church, Castor's best friend, and somehow even Frau had grown fond of her.

"You miss her... right?" Asyl suddenly said, pointing at the water, and all Frau had for her was a helpless smile, but she waved it off. "I understand, you start to become fond of the strangest things once you lose them..."

"Yeah..." Frau sighed, feeling somewhat like a child again the way she had lead him elsewhere and sat him down. Like this topic needed preparation. Had Gido learned that from her?

For a while neither of them talked, and Frau had taken of his glove – he still wore them out of habit and he had noticed that many Ghost's did – and was drawing shapes onto the water's surface.

"Did you ever get the answer from somebody else around here?" Asyl finally asked, very quietly.

"Once or twice... not that often..." Frau said, watching the ripples on the surface.

"Well... we have an unspoken rule. We can watch the lives of our successors; watch them grow up and... sometimes they have a thing or two they don't like talking about. So when they come here, well... to be quite honest, we often already know which subjects to avoid, but some make very clear which specific topics they don't want to talk about. As long as they are alive and not part of our home up here it might be fine to talk about these things though, or when they go down again. Usually that answer simply means you've reached a subject where it would not be fair to talk about it for those involved. As long as Gido doesn't talk about it, I won't talk about it. Nobody talks about it even though we might know what's going on. It's as simple as that; we don't spill each other's secrets."

Frau had listened to her while watching his reflection on the surface. What she said made sense, but didn't exactly calm his nerves.

"I understand that you're worried, but I can't give you the answers you're looking for."

"Because it wouldn't be fair..." Frau nodded, defeated, and seemed to sink into himself. "You do know what's going on though... don't you?"

Asyl didn't answer for a while. Again. Frau was biting his lip and when she opened her mouth, he lifted his gaze to look at her. "To be fair, I think I have a pretty good guess... He didn't exactly tell me, so I don't know for sure." Her smile was apologetic. "That's just what we do, you know? That's why we watch, we get to know our successors so we can look after them once they follow us into heaven. We have to deal with what we become almost our whole life alone, so..." Asyl didn't finish her sentence but Frau understood anyway and simply nodded.

"I have another question, actually no... it's more something I want your opinion on."

"Shoot away," Asyl stretched her legs, but they were still significantly shorter than his, Frau noticed. She never seemed that short when she stood in front of him.

"That stupid brat wants to stay with me in heaven, but I think he shouldn't. I mean I'm glad and all, but it'll take decades... even for me and... I really... I don't..." Frau bowed his head and sighed. "Feels like I'm burdening him with a penalty that isn't his..."

"Are you asking me to talk him into coming downstairs with me?" She seemed genuinely surprised.

Frau kept chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. "I'm not sure... but I'm starting to realise that for all that I'm happy for having him around... I would still... really like to see him happy _and_ alive instead." There was a moment of silence after which Frau quietly, almost a bit scared, asked, "does that make me a bad boyfriend?"

But Asyl only chuckled quietly. "I'd say it makes you human", she replied and Frau glanced at her, before his expression settled into a small smile.

"I guess..." he said, but didn't exactly feel better.

"I can talk to him. But this is not a promise; I won't force him if he doesn't want to go."

For a while Frau didn't reply to her, instead he seemed to shrink as he pulled his legs close and his shoulders and head sank down. "I don't... want him to go..." he quietly said at last and pulled up a leg to wrap his arms around. "I want him to stay," he whispered. "Yet, if he stays he'll have to wait _because of me_, because I can't go back down for at least a decade and a half... or two... or however long it takes. It's too long. And, however manageable that seems to him, it's not. I know he'll want to go back to them once he sees _them_, he'll want to ease their sorrow. But he will stay, _because of me_. As much as he might think it's worth it, it's not. It'll hurt, but he'll have forgotten about that by the time he's born. He won't have to live with a void in his heart, or at least he gets a brand new chance to fill it. I don't want him to think he has to stay _for me_."

Asyl cocked her head. "So you don't want him to base his decision solely on you, so you tell him to go downstairs, but what if what he really wants is to stay?"

Frau snorted. "That brat has _no_ idea how close to an eternity ten years is. _I do_." It had been meant to silence Asyl, but in the end she silenced him.

"I don't see how that's so bad, you get to spend an eternity with your loved one and then you can both be reborn," she smiled. Frau didn't look at her, so he couldn't see it but he could hear it in her voice. "Don't you want that?"

Something Frau couldn't name choked off the words he had for an answer, so instead he nodded quickly, when he noticed he was probably taking alarmingly too long to answer. "Of course I want that...," Frau managed and bit his lip. _Of course_ he wanted to spend even more time with Teito. Of course he didn't want him to leave. Yet it was _better_... the word had a bitter taste. It didn't feel much like it was actually better.

"Still..." Frau's voice was still quiet. His fingers clenched around the fabric of his pants. It felt way too selfish and like it was not nearly enough...

"Well, if he wants he can always change his mind. Leave him that freedom of choice and I'm sure he'll do the right thing. That kid has his heart in the right place and some brain cells, contrary to you," Asyl patted his head.

Although he wanted to object, Frau couldn't find the words for it. Instead he rested his head on his knee and closed his eyes.

"Thinking about it," Asyl said and Frau made a small noise, stating he was listening. "I think I might know where Gido is. Try the woods nearby, I think he mentioned he lived near one when he was a kid or something..." Glancing at her, Frau found Asyl pondering that fact and furrowed his brows. "I think he likes that place."

Eden had no forest. Well, not nearby, and where it was there were no houses or buildings. There was no place to live near a forest. But that was something he had no energy to discuss right now. Instead he made a mental note to ask Gido about it some time. _When_ he eventually found him, Frau thought, groaning quietly in frustration. Besides, how could Asyl be so sure, if she only _thought_ he might be there? Maybe he was still in the church and Frau had just overlooked– no you clearly couldn't simply _overlook_ Gido. That was ridiculous.

Frau closed his eyes, wishing for Gido to be at his side and calming him with a few reassuring words. He would know what to say, he would know what to do... he always did. Gido... "Well, then I should check that out," Frau said, but the words seemed alien when they passed his lips. "Thanks, I guess..." he said as rose from the fountain's edge and bid Asyl goodbye.

Maybe figuring out where Gido had run off to would take his mind off Teito for a while, and then he could try and find out why the hell Gido seemed to be avoiding everyone and everything in the first place.

Finding the forest itself was easy; it practically jumped at him once the gates closed behind him.

But where the hell was Gido? The forest was huge, and even when he was crossing rather large distances by teleporting Frau found himself soon tired of searching in vain.

With a frustrated grunt Frau sunk his head into the crook of his arm, which was supporting him against a tree.

"_You do remember what darkness feels like..."_

Frau glanced at the ground far below the branch he stood upon. _Yes_, he thought, although it had been more of a statement of fact than a question.

"_Then this should be easy for you. Use it as a tool to map this place."_

Taking a deep breath, Frau closed his eyes once more and tried to concentrate on his surroundings, Gido's voice resounding in his head.

"_It leaves a signature. Just like souls do..."_

_And just what would that signature be?_ Frau sighed to himself. If Gido were here, he would run a hand through his hair and tell him not to worry, or start hinting at what he could do next... With him he wouldn't feel so god damn lonely right now. It felt cold, Frau realised and blinked. Gido being near him was warmth, it was... _home_. The word appeared with a lump in his throat.

_Home..._ Yes, that was what it had always been, and now his home was gone once more. Closing his eyes, Frau went to sink back against the tree trunk. How he wished he could be home...

Suddenly, there was no tree.

That was the first thing Frau noticed, and then came the rush of panic before he promptly landed on his butt. Frau grumbled for a moment and contemplated going back to the church, because this was really getting him nowhere but strange places by the minute. And then he heard their voices.

Frau couldn't distinguish them and neither could he tell what they were saying. So much for accurate teleporting, not even that he could do right. Why was it that all he could think of was that Gido would find this highly amusing...? Gritting his teeth, Frau decided that there was no use fretting over it and that he should at least try to figure out who the hell was picking a fight so far away from the church. It didn't make much sense in the first place; everybody seemed to be best buddies for all that he knew.

The closer Frau got the more clear the voices became and after a while he noticed that it was not two voices, but only one, and it sounded quite angry and also... familiar. Frau swallowed and shook his head. Was that... _Gido?_

Quickening his steps, Frau finally reached the clearing, blinking at the suddenly bright sun, trying to understand what was going on. There was Gido, there was Ayanami, and that was more than confusing. Some of the trees in this area looked like they had taken a serious beating from something sharp, their insides were cracked open, which was kind of confusing since Frau hadn't actually encountered any weapons here. Unless one counted those two useless pairs of swords hanging upon that wall in Gido's room, but they had still been there when Frau had started looking around for him.

"The _worst_ is that I would have forgiven you for _everything_ if only you had done what I would have asked of you."

Frau's head jerked up, staring at the man from whose mouth these words had come in utter disbelief. Gido would _what_ if _what? _That was... madness, his eyes lingered on Gido's back for another while before he carefully lifted them to meet Ayanami's and... he saw him. Ayanami's eyes barely moved but Frau was sure that he was staring right at him. He swallowed, gathering his courage to speak up, but it was then that Gido turned around and met his stare. The look in his eyes terribly defeated and, there were a few other things Frau couldn't place, but it was the look of someone wanting to give up a fight that had been going on for way to long. Battle weary was what Frau thought when he felt the lump move from his throat and turn into a tight knot around his stomach. Why was Gido looking at him like that?

Gido had never looked at him like that, but now he did, and he didn't stop.

Anybody but him. Gido wasn't supposed to have these moments, Frau thought, and suddenly felt very much like he was nine again. And suddenly it scared him.

The thought of leaving Ayanami behind would usually seem highly dangerous and quite illogical to him, but right now there was no room for these things in Frau's brain. "What's going on?" he managed, his voice trembling and his eyes fixed on Ayanami, while his hands were grabbing for Gido's coat in order to stop. Yet no such thing happened and Frau was forced to follow him.

Frau knew he was talking, but sometimes he wasn't so sure if his vocal chords were actually working or if Gido wasn't listening, or both. All that he remembered later was that he tried talking to him, but he couldn't remember any of the words he said until the fog cleared and he had blocked Gido's way.

"What– What was that all about, I don't understand, why did you say that to him?" Frau uttered with more confidence than he felt he had.

Anger was the first thing to wash over him when Gido finally started to answer, but was soon swept away by a calm realisation that cleared his mind. He wasn't nine anymore and he certainly didn't have to yell to get his attention, though maybe to knock some sense into him, and suddenly Frau wasn't scared anymore. Instead it made him quite unspeakably sad in a way that felt more uncomfortable than he could deal with right now.

Yet instead of yelling at Gido more, Frau almost surprised himself when he almost calmly asked, "why did you say you'd forgive him? What would you forgive him for?" But Gido's answer was far from satisfying and suddenly a small glimpse of Ayanami's presence at the scene crawled back into Frau's memory. And then Frau remembered how easily Gido always called Ayanami's picture to the surface of the lake, and something clicked in his mind.

"What did he do to you?" Frau asked concerned, and suddenly very sure about that fact. Ayanami had done something to Gido and it now made him say these stupid things that made no sense.

"Let me go, I said even more than I wanted to already..."

Frau paused momentarily, but even then didn't say or do anything. There it was again, his battle-weariness, and for the first time Frau felt like Gido was giving him a genuine answer and reaction. So he slowly nodded, but somehow Frau was sure Gido didn't notice that anymore, as he blankly stared at him when he let him go and then disappeared.

Staring at the empty space Gido left behind, Frau found himself wondering what he was going to do. And then it dawned on him.

_Shit_


End file.
